A Letter To My Ex Boyfriend(s)

It has been some time since we last spoke. You and I are both busy. We lead busy lives and the gap between us just seemed to get away from one another.

Looking back I see that we did have something. I mean thats why you said the things you said right? In writing this I ask many questions about the time that has passed since we last said anything to one another.

We don’t even live in the same city any more.

Our friend circles barely cross.

I am not even sure what you look like now.

Here are some of my questions if you would hold a conversation with me:

How the hell are you?

How is your mum?

Where do you live now?

What are you doing now?

Are you well and happy?

Bought a house yet?

Finished studying yet?

Hows the wife?

Won any more medals?

How many times did you get burnt over summer?

Do you still drive a more than one vehicle?

Do you still have my top?

Do you still have the photos of us?

The letter I wrote to you?

The gifts I gave you?

The secrets?

How is your health?

Still depressed?

Stressed?

Same job?

Same problems?

Same issues?

Still angry?

Still think its all about you?

Still think I was being selfish?

Or have you changed?

It may of been years but really how much do people change? You drift into another city but you take those dirty habits with you. The nail biting, the cursing, wearing hats inside, the down putting, making me chose, making me into a girl I did not want to be.

You may wonder why I am addressing all of you and not just one. Why even write this when you have a boyfriend Seren? Why even give them another thought? You make the whole picture come full circle. I have to give you credit for that.

It would be a shame
to look back on this
and (out of bitterness)
not call it love.

So if that is what it was why bother writing anything when the moment has passed. Time did not stop and nothing can go back to what it was. Maybe this is all the courage I have to say anything to you because of what happened between us.

Calling you out is not the game I want to play so I mean I could just use your initials.

P. E. E. R. S.

PEERS, what a way to sum up some of my life in a snap shot.

 

I’m 21 and Homeless.

Now never did think that 2016 would start off with me being homeless.

I am about to graduate and start my postgraduate studies and I cannot get a house.

The information you need to know:

  • I am not living on the street.
  • I am staying at Jamie’s mums amazing house.
  • Jamie has now moved out. 
  • Its now me and Jamie’s mum.
  • I am thankful. More than words can describe. 
  • I feel I am cursed.
  • I am on borrowed time. 
  • Trade me is my cocaine.

So how did I get here you ask. Well I can’t tell you the details because Jamie and I have to go to court to get our bond back from our last house. That was 7 weeks ago. We just moved out. In a hurry. After three months.

So we have been at Jamie’s mums house for 7 weeks and she has gracefully had us here and needs a golden medal for being an amazing human being. In these 7 weeks Jamie and I started to look for new places together but found we were getting the “no couples” in all of the listings. If you are willing to put $4o0 into a room plus expenses you should allow couples. But what ever, Jamie and I thought long and hard about what to do next with the line “do not rush into anything” in the back of our minds. He is joining the police this year and will be going to wellington for 3 months for training and I will be writing like a mad woman about dancing and could do with the creative space. Thus we came to the conclusion that we would move out from one another for the year. Easy. Then we both started looking.

In the 7 weeks I have text over 30 people. In the 7 weeks I have been to at least 10 different flat viewing. In the 7 weeks I have introduced myself. In the 7 weeks I have trademe searched :Auckalnd, Auckland City, Herne Bay, nearby areas with rent to $250. In the 7 weeks I have been offered 3 places. 2 being too far away to walk home from work. When you work in fine dining there ain’t no leaving till the last table is done and people in Auckland can stick around till 12pm. I was then offered an amazing room, boy did I work hard for it. I was there for a whole hour talking to this gal. It was perfect distance to work and the house was great, people were fantastic and they were looking for someone for that weekend. The line I was given “I would love to give you the room, let me chat with the flat and I am sure it will be fine. I will send you through the bank details and you can move in this weekend. ”

No.

I waited, and waited. I bought a bed. Got excited. Almost bought a desk. Started to mentally unpack into the room when she just didn’t get back to me that night. In the morning I had a text explaining that she had given the room to her friend and that she was wishing me the best of luck finding another place.

Did I cry. Um yes.

Not only had I just thought I had it all sorted did, Jamie go and get himself a flat. A beautiful flat and would be moving out the weekend I was moving out too. It would of been perfect.

Cheers Kelly. I hope your friend really enjoys the room.

So Jamie moved out, my stuff is all packed just waiting for a new home. I am just waiting. And I am out of time.

I am on edge. Every single time my phone goes off I jump. You wana know why?

 

Because no one is Auckland gets back to you. Lord. The amount of one way texts I have on my phone is sickening. Or they leave trademe listings up for weeks though the room was filled 4 hours it went up. I am waiting to hear back from one place but they have yet to respond to my text and things are getting more desperate.

This was an email I sent out today.

Hello Sean, 

My name is Seren Powell-Jones, I am 21 and in need of a room for this year. 
Though I am young please do not write me off just yet. This year I am going to be doing my post graduate studies at Auckland University. I will be working on my honors degree in dance. Yes I am a dancer. A professional contemporary dancer. 
Not only do I know some sweet moves but I work part time because I have to pay the bills somehow. I work at a fine dinning restaurant in Herne Bay. 
Look I could tell you that I am amazing and wonderful (I have great banter) but I am not going to. Seriously we can play flat mate idol till the cows come home and my age may have just put me in the no pile straight away and you may no longer be reading this. 
If you are interested then please send me a time for a viewing and if you are not interested then please; for the love of god and all things fantastic reply any way saying how sorry you are because of my age.
I hope this finds you well.
Warmest regards,
Seren Powell-Jones
0272419054

Look I will be honest. I think maybe I am being too picky. But Auckland ain’t the most friendly place at 12pm you don’t want to have too far to walk. I have considered getting a place by myself but for $350 I don’t think it will work. I have thought about leaving my job so that I can live almost anywhere but I wouldn’t do that to the amazing team I work with.

So my waiting continues and Jamie keeps telling me I will find a place and I am sure I would it just needs to be the Herne Bay side of Ponsonby. With people who are not 37+ but I am now just considering them too. Praying to the flatting gods and hitting refresh on trademe 1000x a day.

As you can see, I am losing hope quickly and do not get me wrong, I am thankful for those of you who have offered me a place you just all live in the wrong area and that makes me what to cry.

Soon. Fucking soon, I will have a house.

In the writing of this piece I was told no because I was a student.

Working fucking professional over here. Fine dining. Wont spill wine in your lap. Professional. Fuck.

Sorry.

Really though.

Auckland. Can. Suck. My. Flatting. Dick.

 

 

 

Im not done yet.

2015 has been a roller coaster. Moved house three times, turned 21, finished my degree, started a blog, had an emotional break down, lost sleep, worked through 8 pairs of shoes, broke zero bones, one internship, thousands of emails, many essays and countless hours dancing.

I write this from my family home in Nelson, where the sun shines and makes me want to stay for more than 6 days. The sun is shinning and my sunburn is hella bad. Not use to the O-zone in the area of NZ. 2015 in reflection has taught me a few things as every white girl will tell you on her Facebook. I suppose I should admit to you all that I listen to Justin Beiber and drink far to much coffee (unless your James Jansen that is.)

What I learnt this year is that some people are just shit, I also learnt that going to the supermarket at 11pm at night is bad for your bank account. I know now after 12 months boys like lace and frills not just pretty faces. It’s clear that in a year you will lose friends but that Chinese dumplings will always be there for you. After 365 days parallel parking is a piece of piss and cats can be dickheads.

tumblr_mraoppKZBo1s2hahlo1_500

So where does this leave me for 2016?  With more questions, for you and for me. Like why do people think I’m from Canada and how does one tackle being blocked by an ex?? I ain’t even started. How many cups of tea does it take to fix a broken person or can you always do the right thing?

My New Years resolution for 2015 was not to eat any take aways. No McDonald’s or KFC. I can safely say I did that. A year without chicken nuggets some would say is a year I did not live. The after town feast was difficult but nothing a falafale kabab can’t fix. I have also now done 6 months no sugar and look forward to a life time free of it.

So in 2016 I wonder what will happen, I can tell you I don’t plan on being married or pregnant. I plan to continue writing. That I know. 2016 is a year full of exciting opportunities and honestly, I cannot wait for it to start.

Trying to work out a New Years resolution ain’t easy and my year is starting out by simply winging it. Dissapearing down the coast for a few days and most likely get burnt again, drinking a few beverages, throwing some banter around and enjoying all that NZ has to offer.

My take from 2015 is that I am still growing up, that 21 is not an adult age despite what the law says. That I have a lot of growing to do, that I am questioning more things than ever before.

So peace out 2015, bring on 2016. 

p.s thats not me in the photo. but you came here thinking it was. i see you. 😉

this is me ….Photo on 31-12-15 at 10.45 am #2.jpg

A List Of People I Hate. In Detail.

It may be the merry time of the year but its also that time of the year where we all sit back and look at the people who fucked us up and over. Its now and not at new years when most people think about that list of humans who should crawl under a rock and stay there. I was in the shower when it occurred to me that I am ruthless when it comes to friendships. Cheers for that mum. I mean I honestly need to do a Facebook detox and get rid of everyone who I don’t care about. Those popular girls from school already did that.

I won’t shed a tear guys, Im good.

So a list that comprises of the people who just make my eyes roll back into my head, sigh loudly and then stare into their eyes with no remorse. Its 2015 and I am bloody ruthless mate.

  1. Bad drivers, those who don’t indicate. People are landing on the moon, you can flip a switch.
  2. Slow walkers anywhere, this is not a time for slow moving. We all have somewhere to be. Kick it up a gear thanks.
  3. Customers who try tell you how to do your job. You don’t work here, your not my boss. Shhhhhhh, baby please.
  4. BIG ASS DRIVING MOTHERS AND THERE SHITY HAIR CUTS.
  5. The girls who are trying to sell me a waist trainer in the mall. If your selling pitch is “clearly your mum blessed you, pay her and the world back by getting our waist trainer”. I blessed myself thanks. I don’t owe anyone anything right now, at least not with my body.
  6. Anti-femminst. Its almost 2016. Equality shouldn’t be scary anymore.
  7. Anyone who is late. Without communication. If your prompt we can all get going.
  8. INTERRUPTING ANYONE. If you are this person, I gave you your chance to talk and now it is mine. If you butt in, I will start again. Same line, same way. Till you get it.
  9. Stubborn low lives who cannot get off their so called high horse to be a reasonable human being.
  10. That person who stole your car park at the during christmas hours. Special place in hell for you.
  11. Dudes who share nudes. Y’all need to grow up.
  12. People who cancel plans at the last minute, or who never show up. I see you, I see how it is. Ass hole.
  13. Those people at the airport who try get on the plane before they are called.
  14. If you don’t use deodorant. B/O is not cute.
  15. That woman who asks for a half shot decaf latte bowl. Or decaf short black. No. You can have a cup of no.
  16. People who use their phone in the movie theatres. Its dark in here. But not with your giant spot light.
  17. That girl in the club who spills her drink all over you because she’s upset that her fuckboy ran away.
  18. Those people who hold a conversation with you to only prove that they are doing better in life than you. Take your Nike Shoes, Karen Walker sunglasses  and skim milk coffee all the way out of my life.
  19. That upperclass business man who scoffs at having a career in the arts. Ya, you can go back to sitting behind a desk and work for ‘The Man.’
  20. People who try convince you to have a relationship with their God. Im good, trying to have a relationship with myself. Thats hard enough.
  21. Fuckboys.
  22. People who flick sand off their towel at the beach all into your face.
  23. If you yell. I automatically assume that we cannot have an adult conversation.
  24. Bathroom hogging mother fuckers.
  25. Liars. I see you too.

I mean come on, you have to admit, someone on this list pisses you off too. That person at the airport. Always.

Please leave a comment of who pisses you off and why. Write it down and let it go. This is your chance before 2016.

Why I Almost Didn’t Go To University

It’s something I didn’t really tell people and when I do it just kinda falls out. Like a confession or something. I am about to graduate and go on to do another year but in post graduate studies and in reality I question what the f**k I may be doing if I didn’t end up in Auckland. (Side thought am I a Jafa now? Do I need to apply to be one? Do I get a medal?) So why did I almost not go to uni? Well there are a couple of reasons.

  1. I actually missed the deadline for my applications. The day the applications closed I realise and freaked out. Lord I lost it. My stunning mother came to my rescue and saved my ass. Also  the man I spoke to at Auckland Uni calmed me down and said it should be fine. (I didn’t trust him but he had a soothing voice). I had to get my photo taken, see a JP and get everything back in time. It wasn’t a pleasant experience and I keep a very close eye on the deadlines. Lesson learnt. Cheers mum.
  2. I wasn’t sold on studying dance. Honestly my 18 year old self was thinking “you are going to be broke for life”. Seriously no one in Nelson makes money from dance unless you run a dancing studio. Teaching your 5 year old kids for the rest of my life didn’t see that amazing. And this is where it gets interesting, I was going to become a paramedic. Ha, gotcha. Give me blood, gore, broken bones and chaos and I find a very strange calm in it all. It was halloween and myself and a few friends were heading up to a friends house for dinner, a swim and many beers when we rolled back from Kaiteriteri to his private gate. The damn thing wouldn’t open. (you should know he has a lot of money). So sitting in the back seat I saw something on the driveway. A bike and what looked like shoe. Thinking it was a practical joke I jumped out then yelled at Jacob who’s house it was because there was a body and a lot of blood. No practical joke here. All real and a 3 meter fence between us and this kid. Every one in the car thought we were in on the joke as we threw ourselves over the fence. He was in and out of conciseness and it was Jacobs nephew. He was in shock and all our phones were dead, so as Sumer raced up to call 111 Jacob and I assessed him. I couldn’t figure out why the gate wasn’t opening and then the blood trail told the story. He had come down the hill on his brand new race bike that wasn’t even installed with brakes when he had come down the hill on his sandals and smashed his body into the gate instead of making the turn to go up the side track. A broken collar bone, wrist, ribs and a fractured skull. Really a good job all round. It was reflecting upon this when I though I would go and study to become a paramedic.
  3. I really really really wanted to go see the world. I was a tumblr girl and lord when someone binge posts on overseas images. You want to go. To run. Im 21 and still haven’t been out of NZ. (Im freaking out that I will never leave.) The wish list is Canada, Greece, Egypt, North Pole and a few others! I could of worked and gone but I guess I am just waiting.

Its been a three years, and I only have one week left. Still have stupid summer school but lets be honest its the most chill 6 weeks ever. I have shows which you should all come to because that would be nice and I would love not to be a loner. You know I am still not sure if I should of gone to university and I am still not sure if I enjoy it or if I want to do postgraduate. But I would be shit head if I dropped out now. I mean I made it this far and didn’t kill myself with my cooking or lack of sleep so clearly I can do another week.

So I am just going to be writing my last written assessment tonight for my general education paper that 50 fucking percent. I would like a wine but tea will be fine. Still trying to adult.

32 Things I Have Learnt Living With a Boy

So at the start of the year I moved into an apartment with my partner (he’s the one in the photo, if you needed me to point that out) and I won’t lie when I say I was nervous. Honestly I wasn’t sure if it was the right idea. We had been together for 7 months and I had just spent a month living at his house with his mum. (She has an amazing house, perks of having an interior designer as a mum). I was on the hunt for an apartment or room for myself and my other flat mate when a property in the middle of the city popped up. It was perfect, I knew the previous tenants and I had been there before. The place was great minus the price tag. $540 for a two bedroom new york styled apartment. Fully furnished. Just waiting for someone to live in it. You do the math. Two girls cannot afford $270 plus expenses whilst studying. But between three. Well.. thats how Jamie came into play. None the less we have the apartment and have been living here since January. Nick named ‘The Hot Box’ because the loft can reach above 30 degrees. A mere when you are trying to sleep.

So what have I found out whilst living with a boy/man/lad/gentleman for the first time….

  1. Everything has a place. If you want something it will be in its place. So stop asking.
  2. There is twice as much washing. So many t-shirts. I now have 3 washing baskets.
  3. I don’t have to cook every night.
  4. Supermarket shopping takes three times as long if there is no plan.
  5. You have to organise your week with someone else.
  6. Romantic showers don’t really exist.
  7. Milk never last longs.
  8. Neither does snacks.
  9. I own most of the wardrobe.
  10. We have separate desk and work stations because we have different shit going on.
  11. There is a nice side to the bed. We rotate on who feels worse.
  12. Toothpaste is always running out.
  13. Jamie can now do my back for fake tan.
  14. He is also my stylist.
  15. He is my reminder to do work.
  16. I am a very tidy person. Now Jamie is too. Though he hates our vacuum.
  17. Its okay if you forget your keys because someone else has a set.
  18. Alone time is nice.
  19. I still hate folding washing.
  20. If one of you is sick. There is no hope for the other person.
  21. Seeing your family now involves both of you. There is no “how are you?” its “how are you both?”
  22. Date night still is a thing. Once a week. When you have time.
  23. Someone can always click my back.
  24. Buying food happens 3 times a week.
  25. My chap sticks are always disappearing.
  26. He likes my soup and I like his pesto pasta.
  27. You have your top cheerleader with you always.
  28. Someone will cover you up in a blanket when you fall asleep on the couch.
  29. Boys hate the doctors. With a passion.
  30. Having alcohol with your meal makes your a classy couple.
  31. People think its weird when your not together.
  32. Taking a nap is not as easy when someone wants to play video games.

I could go on, but maybe I will do a 2.0 version of this list. So the end of the year is coming about and my mother is already asking me what my plans are. Honestly I am just trying to make it to the end of the week. Let alone what my plans are. I know that 1. I will be doing summer school and then graduating. 2. I am mostly certain of doing my honours degree and 3. I will be in Auckland. The other plan is that I will live with Jamie, but the Auckland property market is horrible and so bloody competitive. Want a house. Thats nice. You can fight it out with 40 other people. Like families and very professional couples. Good luck. So the adventure continues. Its been a while since we chatted but I have some good post coming out. But honestly please let me know if there is something you want me to talk about. Im all ears. You have me line, hook and sinker.

Also if you haven’t go and like our page. https://www.facebook.com/hiddenunderthecovers?fref=ts because I post things on there I don’t post anywhere else.

All my love XOXO Gossip Goat. aka Seren. Im getting all weird again. Guys this is why we must talk every week.

All my friends are engaged, married or pregnant and I am over here trying to poach an egg.

For all of you who are not engaged, married, or pregnant. Trying to adult. You are not alone.

Just so you know, this isn’t my poached eggs. Stolen from the internet. Food porn.

So I rolled out of the hospital last week after three nights surrounded by 3 ladies drugged up just like me. I came home with discharge notes, medical certificate and a prescription. As soon as I got home I realised in my haste to get out of there (I don’t like hospitals) I had left my teddy there. Yes laugh, my teddy. His name is teddy and he has been with me since I was born. Knitted when I was still in the womb he means a lot to me. Jamie brought it up to me on day two of the hotel from hell to soothe me through morphine doses with a dash of tramadol. So I had to be an adult, ring the hospital and ask them to find my teddy.

Hospital 1, Seren 0.

Now I am 20… 21 is October. Young, sassy and still growing. I was scrolling through my Facebook when another one of my friends was now pregnant.

Thoughts?

  1. No.
  2. Yep.
  3. 13 weeks.
  4. January.
  5. No drinking for you.
  6. Do we have cider in the fridge still?
  7. No alcohol for two weeks. Doctors notes.
  8. A tiny human.
  9. ALIEN.
  10. Baby tracker is kinda gross.
  11. Babies.
  12. Why?
  13. OH SHES ENGAGED TOO.
  14. What?
  15. When?
  16. Scans Facebook profile.
  17. TO HIM?
  18. No.
  19. Yep.
  20. Wow.
  21. We went to primary school together.
  22. I thought I was on track.
  23. What is life?
  24. What am I doing?
  25. Should I be worried?
  26. Yes.
  27. You are well behind.
  28. I don’t want kids for a long time though.
  29. I am 20.
  30. Biological clock though?
  31. IM TWENTY.
  32. Lots of time.
  33. 15 more years at least.
  34. I still haven’t seen most of the Disney movies.
  35. I am still a child.
  36. No young adult.
  37. I couldn’t handle a poop machine yet.
  38. Adult, that I am.
  39. I lost my teddy.
  40. Not even close to taking care of another human.
  41. I want a cat.
  42. Yep.
  43. Kitty.
  44. Could I get a cat in my apartment.
  45. No.
  46. Random cat flap that goes out to nowhere just 6 floors down.
  47. Right.
  48. Okay.
  49. F**k.

*scrolls newsfeed more*

  1. ARE YOU F**KING SERIOUS.
  2. YOU ARE MARRIED TOO?
  3. YOU WERE JUST ENGAGED
  4. THAT WAS A SHOCK.
  5. Cute dress.
  6. Only one photo for me to cry at?
  7. Why?
  8. You are my age and married.
  9. Have you seen the world?
  10. Who is he?
  11. Oh yes.
  12. He was with your friend for a while.
  13. Never liked him.
  14. Good luck.
  15. No I am being sincere.
  16. Adult Seren.
  17. SH*T, GOD DAMMIT.
  18. Why?
  19. Where are you going?
  20. What is your life plan?
  21. Do I need to be engaged?
  22. No.
  23. HA.
  24. No.
  25. Thank you.
  26. *Hisses at screen*
  27. Should I save for a house?
  28. I haven’t left NZ yet.
  29. Need to finish my degree.
  30. Oh lord.
  31. I am not at uni next year.
  32. Out and about.
  33. LIVING.
  34. Thats okay.
  35. How do you adult.
  36. I can do it.
  37. I am doing it.
  38. Eggs.
  39. Poached.
  40. How?
  41. Googles how to….poach eggs.
  42. Heck yeah I can do this.
  43. Poaching like a boss.
  44. TO THE KITCHEN AND BEYOND!

*quietly sings to self about not being married, engaged or pregnant. With a dash of freedom*

Just saying I can poach eggs. They were delicious. Two of them.

I have so many questions. Why is everyone engaged, married or up the duff? This is the new normal. There seems to be a wave of people I know who are advancing and ticking of the appropriate adult things. I mean my ex is now married to a girl 6 months older than me. When I found out he was engaged to be. I laughed and almost made a t-shirt saying “dodged a bullet”. Almost. But now he is apart of the normal and I am over here eating avocado and eggs on toast trying not to get it on my white shirt.

Truth of the matter is growing up so quickly freaks me the f**k out. Bills, food shopping, cleaning and maintaining the life I have with my significant other is stressful enough. Throw in University, work and the fact that our elevator is not working again makes me anxious. Just so you know, I now own a blazer, blouse and two sets of dress pants. TWO. I also have business cards. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM A 20 YEAR OLD?