Ah what a topic. Like a burn and a paper cut rolled into one. An ex-boyfriend is weird. The whole idea that you go from being fully committed to someone, knowing who they are and what they are doing to strangers in a week.
Now if I ever have children, I hope that they are strong enough to get through heartbreak and all that comes with it.
I was talking to a friend of mine about a week ago when he asked me “how much do you think you have changed?” I was walking home and standing at the lights I personally didn’t think I had changed that much. But thats the thing. I had changed. If not changed then grown. When I met this young man I was completely broken. Whole heartly ruined. I was heartbroken.
I was 17. Young and eager. I went from being a girl who was happy to being a dark energy going through the motions. When this young man met me he saw me go from my worst to the woman I am today. He said to me that I was “a girl dangerously close to throwing it all away.” And I was. Thats the thing about being 17 and in love. There is not point in which you say to yourself to stop giving. You pour your life and soul into someone else without thinking and when it all ends you can only say it was half your fault because you couldn’t stop yourself. You fed a demon called a relationship until you ran out of whatever it ate and it all fell apart. So where do you go from there? You are broken, empty and well shit, you just want to sleep for forever.
This is what I suggest. No matter how it ended.
- Take a nap. Lie the heck down and curl up for a few hours.
- Turn your phone off. The world will be there when you come back.
- Cry your eyes out. This won’t take much. Place cold flannel on eyes. Thank me later.
- If you ended the relationship remind yourself why. You made this decision for a reason.
- If the other party ended the relationship then remind yourself that it wasn’t meant to be and the universe has a much bigger and better plan for you than him.
- Take a long shower. Not a bath.
- Find an animal. Cats are great but anything that you like. Could be a bearded dragon. You don’t know.
- DO NOT GET ANGRY. This will not help.
- Take some deep breaths.
- Make a cup of tea. You won’t feel like eating.
- Tell your parent. By simply saying “Me and _____ are over and I would really just like a hug.”
- Tell your parent that you are not ready to talk about it if your not. You will just get angry at their questions.
- Make a nest. Blankets and tissues.
- Then clean your room. Its like hitting reset on something in your life.
- Contact a friend and let them do what they do best and be there for you.
- Have some alone time but not at 3am.
- You might not sleep so write what you are thinking about.
- Go on facebook and do the deed of ending the relationship. Make this unseen. Don’t be that girl.
- Do not talk to other person for a few days. See that you can survive without them.
- Go out on a big walk with your friend. The wild does wonders.
Look I have been through all the motions and it bloody hurts. And the one piece of advice I can give you is to give time, time. Nothing is going to make it go quicker. You just have to keep going and you can do that. You do not need them to live. What I also must tell you is that there is no ‘moment’ when you get over an ex. For every single person it is different. It may just be a day you didn’t think about them or no emotion towards them. There is two things that no one told me when I was 15 and about to have a serious relationship for the first time. 1. you will leave a bit of you with them and you can never gain it back. 2. you won’t give yourself to wholeheartedly to another person until they deserve you.
May I leave you with telling you that you are amazing. That you exist because you are the perfect distance from the sun with a body that has a beating heart and working functions. You are more than you could ever know and this will not hold you back.
From a mother duck to her ducklings. I am here if you need me.
Let us get right to it. I have collaborated along side some of my hospitality members (thank you Tina, Jason and Orla). I have worked in hospo (if you don’t know what that word is then I feel sorry for you) for about 3 years. Which for some people is hardly no time at all. Personally I think every human being should have to work in hospo for at least 6 months to understand. As the saying goes; a person who is nice but not nice to the waiter is not a nice person.
I know there are some of you who are out there not sure if you should go into the hospitality sector or you think its easy. I can say no its not easy. We just make it look that way. So here is the list.
- Its a very social job.
- Flexi hours.
- Meet some amazing and interesting people.
- Creates interpersonal skills.
- Networking; leads to other jobs etc.
- Free food. Depending on how amazing your boss is. Mine is amazing.
- The ‘Regulars’.
- Makes your more empathetic towards people in the service industry.
- Keeps you patient.
- You have amazing work stories.
- Can be super sassy.
- You learn many training styles.
- A now mostly smoke free environment.
- You get to sell amazing products.
- You become amazing at time management.
- You appreciate good hospitality.
- You can travel with the skills you learn.
Reason not to?
- You realise how horrible the human race is. If you snap your fingers to summon me then you do not get a smile.
- You do have to work weekends.
- Unsocial hours.
- You work long hours.
- Crap pay to begin with.
- Work with the same people every day in some places.
- You watch people have fun.
- You go home smelling like food.
- There is a lot of sexist nature.
What I can tell you is that its a job that is forever changing and challenging. I would highly recommend going for it. If anything you will learn and understand what happens behind the scenes. If anything you will tip when you do get good service because you know what that is. If you work in hospo then please share/tell me your stories or reasons!! Would love to know!! Enjoy your Saturday night and be nice to your waiter.
Today is Tuesday. It is also day two of the first week of uni. Auckland University thinks its a great idea to start so late. I mean its March. You know the third month into the year. But hey we do things differently way up here.
I would like to apologize for not having any recent blog posts. I have been rather blah. And I have been sorting my life out. Plus working. Being short staffed is not a fun time. I can tell you that now. I think I still need to sleep for a month to catch up.
I feel like just chatting to you all as I sit here on the couch. So, how are you? Are you well? (Like you can talk to me) Shall we discuss some things that have pissed me off lately. Shall we list them. I like doing that.
- People who don’t understand how lucky their situation is. Being the most basic of basic bitches. Please complain, thats what I wanted on my first day of university. A giant black cloud pouring out with rain. Take your weather elsewhere.
- Swollen glands. Mate, bain of my life. Can I not sound like a man. thank you.
- Heat. Humidity. Dammit Auckland. STAAAAAPH.
- People who do not smell themselves being entering into public. Yo, if I can smell you after you have been in an area. Go and deal with yourself. No one finds it sexy. Not in the slightest.
Is anyone else having trouble sleeping? Or are you all counting your sheep? Do you know what is scary is that I turn 21 this year. Jessica in my class said this “20 is such an ugly age”. And now that I think about it. I fully agree. Like what is 20? Icky. What’s worse that 20? Being 20 and engaged. Or married. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? If your news feed is anything like mine, full of babies and marriage. Last night a girl popped on my news feed, now engaged. She was born in 1996. 1996 people. SHES TURNING 19. When I was 18 I had to deal with study link. Not dimond rings. Each to their own. Just not in my 5 year plan. NO ONE GET DOWN ON ONE KNEE, YA HEAR?
You want to know an honest thoughts? I am just going to tell you anyway because you can’t say no. I have no idea what I am writing. Really its all word vomit and you are still reading. Congratulation friend. I really want a terrarium and some flowers. Lillys to sit in my bedroom and smell lovely. I am rather pissed off with one of my friends. Have been for a few months. The guy at the gym judged me for only working out for 30 mins. He doesn’t know I have a major back injury or study dance. He now sees me and comments on how long I work out for. My mum who reads this blog. (Hey Jenny.) Told me that I missed the boat on my career and thinks I should do this all the time. Writing blogs. I thought with a debt owing to the government I could do both.
Its my last year of University and I am really not sure on whether or not I will do postgraduate studies. I could do my honors. Just a year and be done with it? I don’t know anything anymore. So watch this space.
Personally I think there is nothing worse than something that is bittersweet. Nothing seems to make me angry and deep with rage than bittersweet.
I mean the definition of the damn word is a let down:
when something is good but there is a bad part about it
I’m a girl who doesn’t get too angry all the time but some things are just stupid. For example:
- People who label sale items wrong and they are more expensive than written. (You can bully sales people into a better price but don’t be that kid. Retail people hate you for it.)
- Going to the supermarket and they don’t have anything you want. Just the things you are trying to avoid. Regular occurrence in Auckland countdown.
- Getting cheap flights and booking them. Then missing a choreographic workshop because your not allowed to miss the first day. FML. (This may be the point of the article)
- Working valentines day. Hard pass.
- Having uneven eyebrows. Even when you try fix them. Blah blah they are sisters not twins. I WANT TWINS DAMN IT.
- Baking great looking cupcakes. They taste like crap and sit there teasing and laughing at you.
There are many things that are bittersweet. But the list above really just bugs me. Yes I just wrote an article on being thankful. Really it is not ideal. But I shall pull out a saying I rolled around with at the end of high school.
NEGAF: Not even giving a fuck.
I think really I am just a little tired and frustrated. No actually I’m hella frustrated. Not even Beyonce can calm me. I mean give it half an hours and I will be cool calm and collected. I will understand that the sweet out weights the bitter and its nothing a cup of tea and a tequila shot with a dash of laughter can not fix.
WRITING OUT THE POSITIVES.
Freshly painted nails.
Humidity is 57%
It is Friday.
Right, good work team. Great chat. Let me know what is bittersweet for you. Either on here or on Facebook, tumblr or don’t. Thats cool too.
So for once Auckland was slightly less warm than usual. Which meant to my flat “The Hot Box” being less hot and all activities being less painful and a lot less sticky. So I was sitting on the bus that was slowing chilling me from the outside in. So for once I was able to day dream and not think about how hot I was. Now I am huge on day dreaming. Could do it all day if it was needed. I mean I even did a choreographic piece on day dreaming. You see I was thinking about how only a select few say thank you to the bus driver when they hop off. So this is how my day dream went, stay with me okay?
Saying thank you to a bus driver
And thats where it stopped. Long right? I then started to gather all the weird things I am thankful for.
- Polite neighbours with adorable children.
- Cold weather.
- Cookies and cream ice cream.
- Flat mates who make me laugh.
- Good banter.
- Swimming in rivers.
Its only fair that I say these are only a few. I suppose that I was thinking about very random things and slightly concentrating on the fact that my physiotherapist had just stuck needles in my butt because thats how you fix a broken Seren.
So I finally made it to the CBD and as I hopped off the bus I said thank you to my bus driver and walked to my apartment entrance. I then thought about how much my life has changed since I first moved away from Nelson (my home town). I thought about how I could never move back for good. Not right now. That I had grown too big for that tiny town. I guess I am thankful I grew up there and now I see the appeal of raising a family there. But thats a long way off. About 10 years.
So be thankful is what I guess I am trying to say. For the weird things. Or at least go and have a day dream.
I was sitting in the park eating my brown rice, salmon and avocado sushi when it occurred to me the last time I had thought about my Ex Boyfriend. Now don’t get me wrong, you wont find me thinking about my past boyfriend all the time. But I can’t straight out lie and say I never think of him. So there I was, ‘enjoying’ Auckland’s heat (which is just humidity on steroids) and I caught myself deep within thought about how that damn boy is. What would he be doing on a Friday afternoon and where he was with his life plans. What one should note is that my Ex and I don’t talk. We aren’t friends on Facebook and I am 99% certain he blocked me on instagram. (Took that to heart way more than I should of). But for you to understand where we both are in our lives and for this to add up to something then you need some background information. There will be those of you who know who I am talking about and in no way is this to shame or hurt him. Just understand this:
- We were together for a year and a half.
- We lived 504km apart and felt every single bit of distance.
- We saw each other face to face every three months.
- We were both very busy people.
- We broke up because we were on different paths.
He was/is the most amazing guy. I hold no bitterness towards him and do wish him the best in life. I am not angry nor do I get upset at him for not wanting to have a friendship. I do wish he would just let me know that he is okay. Wishful thinking right? But out of the ashes this is what he has taught me:
- There is not enough hours in the day. No matter how much you time manage.
- Distance is no excuse not to have a relationship.
- Communication is key. If its a call, text, letter, skype, facebook just send it.
- Sometimes you have to be the grown up in the situation. And sometimes that sucks.
- Go out for dinner. Don’t stop courting one another. Dress up and be nervous like that first date.
- Be sure you know who you are before the relationship. Its who you are at the end of it all.
- Be open. With the past, with ideas, with resolutions, with help.
- Keep going. Don’t stop because it gets a bit hard.
- Pancakes can be eaten at any time of the day.
- People do genuinely care.
Reflecting on my past relationship I remind myself that these lessons were taught to me during the partnership and when it came apart seam by seam. What we had was amazing but it wouldn’t of lasted a life time because we were both very strong people with big life goals. It was just that these goals were on a trajectory heading further and further away from one another.
Now, like I said we don’t talk. There are certain days were he will be on my mind because of reason I don’t wish to disclose. I do offer an olive branch on these days not hoping for a friendship, but as a gentle reminder that I am still here to talk. We were best friends at the end of it all.
So where does this leave us now? From what I know (I keep an ear close to the ground) my Ex Boyfriend is busy, healthy and with that I would assume happy. So thats where I will leave it. Take what you want from your past relationship and turn it into lessons for life. Otherwise it was a waste. And we don’t want that do we?
The Human Body
I went looking for an ideal body to work towards. I scrolled through Tumblr, Instagram and a few other places and as I was scrolling I thought to myself that these girls were stunning, truly they had worked for their bodies. Now I know that I have a good body but what girl doesn’t want to be a goddess. When I was naively looking I wasn’t searching for envy or “thin-spriation” just some motivation and what I feel I could get.
I got bored and rolled through my news feed and what I saw made me laugh to myself. We will get back to why this made me giggle out loud after I explain a few thing.
- I am a dancer. I study dance at The University of Auckland.
- My body is my tool of employment.
- I don’t treat my body as a temple and I know I should.
- I have a fast metabolism.
- My idea of the “ideal body” image has changed.
- As long as I am healthy then I am happy.
So scrolling through Facebook as I was, there I saw a girl who did my degree. She is fit, strong and happy with her body though she is working on it. (Hence her full body photo as progress shots). Now she was not anything close to my “ideal body”. She was beautiful though. What made me outwardly laugh though was that her body was what she needed for her lifestyle. This gal is active every single day. She eats her greens and she truly treats her body like a temple. She wasn’t thin. She was built, and good on her. I had a moment of realizing that my body wont ever look “ideal”. It honestly wont.
- My legs are powerful, they have muscles to do a job of taking me through the air.
- My arms have definition. Because they have to carry the weight of myself and someone else sometimes.
- My stomach isn’t dead flat. It doesn’t have abs though either. It is the power station of my control and stability.
- My lungs. Cardio. I have little of. I do not need it. It works its way to be as much as needed per show.
- My feet. Well they have a job to do and there is no point trying to make them pretty when I rip them up everyday.
I have a dancing body. It has a job. I work it to each show, job, contract. What happens between those times is up to my diet and how well my body recovers.
What I now have burnt into the backs of my eyelids is that “you only have one body make it last”. As I write this I am currently on the couch. Confided to this one place. On the 26th of January I did something to my back/nerve/leg/buggered myself. Went to the hospital-yes I did a good job. I have a week of work, two specialist appointments and another doctors appointments. The one thing keeping me from doing all the things; work, dance, run, workout. Is that if I do not take care of my body now I wont have a body to work with for the rest of my life. For a 20 year old, thats PRETTY BIG.
So whilst I sit here and type, think about your actions and if your body will last a life time. Re-think your ‘ideal body’. See what your lifestyle really requires you to look like.