Ah well here we go again.
Dating, getting even more bizarre and complicated than before.
Lets me Ben.
We matched and he was straight off the cuff super lovely.
And the truth is, he always was lovely but this isn’t the story of a lovely guy.
I will say this again and then a little louder for the people at the back but when you date someone. You also date in part the people in their life.
You know their friends.
And I hate to break the news to you but they will pick their friends over you.
Don’t be thinking there is any way to get around this. If you don’t like his mates, then I can tell you right now. It. Not. Work. Out.
Well Ben had a best friend but we will circle back to him shortly.
On our first date he told me how he lived in the city, with his best friend and his girlfriend and for this story we shall call her Madison.
As Ben explains that Madison is a bit whack. She lies about her age, works for an MLM (which is just a pyramid scheme essentially), said she had brain cancer and doesn’t really get social cues.
You could see it on Bens face that he was concerned and a bit exhausted having to deal with her.
And fair fucking enough. All of those things don’t fly well with me. My best friend wouldn’t even consider dating someone like that, instead she would just call them out for being a liar and put them in the trash since they are just being garbage.
Skip to our second date and Ben wanted to cook me dinner at home. Standing in his kitchen he soon realises that he has completely panicked and forgotten to buy things for dinner.
I don’t know how one forgets completely that the reason the pretty girl is coming around is because you were going to cook for her. But what do I know about men and magical power women have over them.
Ben has on hand – beef mince and coleslaw. It should be noted that it was pre made coleslaw. From a packet.
So you know what I did, I jumped in the kitchen and started to look around the cupboards. I love a challenge. If only this was a way to impress a guy at how pantry savvy a gal can be.
I was an arm deep looking for herbs and spices when Madison appears.
Now listen I am so fucking confused as to why people think it’s okay to start introductions of their flatmates when I am there to be on a date with them.
Like what more can you want? I put pants on, I did my hair and I am trying my fucking hardest not to put my foot in it on this damn date. I came here to win you over not your damn flat mates, sir. Can we just say ‘evening’ and be done with it?
But of course you can’t balls deep in someones kitchen and ignore them. Now, that would just be rude. So I say hello, introduce myself and ask her how her day was.
Ben starts chatting to her about the plans she has install for the evening whilst I am hunting for any sort of carbs or vegetables.
Madison then says she is going on a Tinder date.
But then I remember Ben telling me that Madison was the girlfriend of his best friend.
Is this where I find out about an open relationship?
Because good for you, love that for you!
There was that catch that popped back into my head. You know that thing where Madison and Ben’s best friend broke up.
But that they were still living together. Sleeping in the same bed.
I don’t think I could live with my ex whilst actively dating someone else and then confide in his best friend.
Any way back to dinner because this isn’t really any of my business. I ask Ben if he has any sort of pasta or carbs, to which he responds that he does not.
Oh yes thats right he use to gym incredibly hard and just doesn’t even think to buy them. Even now the dude has arms that could make a gal crack a smile. I on the other hand think I am made up of 65% carbs. So now I am very lost as to what I should make.
Madison on the other hand is about to leave to go on her date and both Ben and I wish her well.
But we need to focus, there is a meal to be made and I am running out of options and ideas.
As a creative this rarely happens. There were no carbs, there were also no vegetables. There was nothing. But I fucking challenge you to make a meal with beef mince and coleslaw. Whilst wearing heels, looking cute and not getting your hair in the food. Oh and make sure you don’t say something stupid. I fucking dare you.
It is with the saddest and regret that I have to inform you that I ended up making the most basic, scary meal I have every made in my life.
There were two main ingredients and just one very sad chef.
Yeah you have a fucking laugh.
No one wants to be full when they get naked for the first time. So maybe it was a terrible blessing in disguise. Bonus was that I discovered that Ben was not a picky eater at all.
Anyhow, skip forward to after this meal and after ‘watching’ a movie and we are lying in bed when Madison tries to come into Ben’s room.
His door is locked thankfully but I am most definitely not prepared for visitors.
She yells through the door that she borrow Ben’s aloe vera gel.
He yells back that he will bring it to her.
And then she tried the door again.
His neck snaps looking at me, frowns and Madison says “no its okay I can just come in and grab it”.
This was like some sort of terrible set up for a threesome on Pornhub.
Which isn’t really what I am going for here.
So Ben gets up, pops pants on and locates the aloe vera gel.
He opens the door and she bang smack there.
Like nose to the door causing her to almost fall into the room
That was when the first terrible thought went through my head.
What if she likes her ex boyfriends best friend?
And I have just slept with him.
Cue dramatic music.
Ben returns back to bed and we both have a giggle that woman are weird sometimes.
Fast forward a few dates and Ben and I find ourselves hitting the road on an adventure. I don’t know about y’all but being locked in a car with someone brings out some quality conversation.
People always seem to go into more detail and maybe its the isolation or the subtraction of distractions but its the perfect environment to get to the bottom of who the other person is.
You see you can’t overthink your answers because the road consuming your nerves. Even after all the dates I have been on, I get unbelievable nervous and loose all control on how to form a god damn sentence.
But back to being in the car with Ben where we are talking how things have been at home for him. To which he reveals, a bit volatile.
Madison won’t move out, Ben’s best friend is exhausted to top it off they have a new flat mate who has just been dumped into a bit of a shit storm.
Who doesn’t love flatting right?
So I ask Ben if he has just tried talking to Madison about everything. To which he tells me he did but had to cut the conversation short because I came up.
“Me?” I ask.
Like I am not panicking on the inside.
Feel free to play that dramatic music now.
He says “yeah she said she was concerned about me because of you”.
“Me?” I ask again like I am fucking parrot.
“she said because I have started to see you that she has asked one of your friends what you are really like?”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“I told her that she needs to stay of my life and that its none of her business.”
“who did she contact?”
Immediately knowing that if someone approached one of my friends about who I really was that they would come straight to me.
My friends = loyal bastards.
And that hasn’t happened.
Ben tells me that he doesn’t know who but he can ask.
My first thought is that I do want to know.
I want to know who she thought she could contact to find out who I really am.
Do a Google search love.
You will find a blog with over 60,000 words on who I am.
Then there is my social media which is all public.
And if that doesn’t quench your thirst; then ask me.
I won’t lie I was really wound up.
In fact I was angry. My dating life as far as it is public, it is also private.
Madison was about to learn that I am completely transparent and that as a Libra we don’t do well with being fucked with.
I turned to Ben and asked him if she was going to be home tonight.
“Yeah she never goes anywhere else.”
You see I was going to be staying at Ben’s tonight and I was going to do something that Ben nor his best friend has been able to competently do.
Call her out on her bullshit.
My plan was that I was going to ask her who she had contacted about me.
Tell her that this is her opportunity to ask me any questions she would like and explain to her that her actions are not caring they are interfering.
Then I remembered that this was Madison. A girl who lies about being 24 even though shes 20 and fakes brain cancer to her boyfriend.
Remember when I said I am really observant.
I smelt a fucking rat.
So I circle back.
We must always circle back.
Asking Ben how the entire conversation went.
Focusing on what she said.
“she has asked one of your friends what you are really like.”
If she had taken the time to read the blog then she would know, I lived with manipulative people. I see whats going on here.
- she didn’t state what she had asked exactly – she just said she had asked.
- she didn’t state which one of my friends she had contacted.
- she didn’t say what specific thing has compelled her to find out who I really was.
Baby girl was bluffing.
You may not believe me but when you care about someone which is why she did this in the first place you would absolutely justify your actions.
Then that bad thought came back again.
What if she REALLY likes her ex boyfriends best friend?
Either way that is some drama that I am not about to jump into.
I’ve cooled down a little bit and I turn to Ben and ask him if we can stay at mine instead because I really don’t think I can face her.
Do. Not. Fan. The. Fire.
Even if shes not lying.
This is a giant red flag and I need to stop, drop and roll all the way out of this situation.
But then I look over and I can see Ben.
Lovely guy Ben.
Hes staring at me as I drive and my gut is telling me there is something more.
Something he hasn’t told me.
I ask him if he can text Madison to put his aloe vera in the fridge because we are both very sunkissed and I don’t know about you but two people in a bed with sunburn is a very, very hot time.
Whilst we just listen to the music and throw some comments around here and there, that feeling doesn’t go away.
We are now back in the city and I have decided that I ain’t going to let a 20 year old make me uncomfortable. We order some food and end up back at Bens.
Sitting on the floor, Ben’s phone illuminates.
Madison is calling him.
I ask him why shes calling him and if she responded to his message.
“Nah she didn’t”.
Call me old fashion dinner time even at 11pm at night is a no phone time.
I say “I wonder why she is calling”.
Then I see it. All over Bens face.
And as he reaches for his phone I say “give her a call after dinner”.
“but what if its an emergency?”
“do you really think its an emergency?”
Once again I am calling her bluff.
I’m not trying to be an asshole here but if it was an emergency who do you think she would call?
Maybe her ex boyfriend who she still lives with?
Not his best mate.
“why don’t you let me answer it? I’ll put in on speaker phone and if it is an emergency then you can just jump in but you and I both know it won’t be.”
“okay answer it.”
So I pick up his phone, accept the call and pop her on speaker.
“Hey, its Seren, whats up? Everything okay?”
“Yeah, is Ben there?”
Staring straight at him I reply to Madison and repeat myself
“Hes just in the bathroom, is everything all good?”
“Yeah yeah I was just going to say I am not home so I can’t give you the aloe vera gel”
“Oh no thats okay, I thought it must of been something really urgent since your calling so late! But I’ll let Ben know, you have a good night”.
“Is Ben there?”
I lift my brow.
“Nah hes taking a shower, I will let him know you called, have a good night”.
I hang up.
And I put his phone next to the thai we were in the middle of.
“told you, non emergency”
“yeah, you’re right”
I say “whats going on? You didn’t have a normal reaction to her calling”.
Hes just twisting his noddles in a circle now.
“I get worried that if I miss her call she would have killed herself”.
“if you think she is in danger of harming herself then you absolutely need to do something, it is not your sole responsibility to deal with this by yourself.”
“yeah, I know”
“then you should also know that using the threat of sucide to control other people is not ok”.
“I just get really worried”
“You are allowed to be concerned but you should not let someone else control your life like this. I overstepped the mark there picking up your phone but I wanted to prove a point. Ive thought about it, the more I am around the more she is going to act out towards you. Because she won’t have complete control over you which is what she wants. First it was trying to get into your room, then it was that comment, like what will it be next?”
“yeah I guess I have never looked at it like that….”
Ben goes on about how he feels responsible.
That lovely guy has been taken on a lovely ride by a girl who thought she could use how lovely he is against him.
Its big ole mind fuck.
The next day I get home and I am exhausted.
After everything I have learnt, one thing I know is: dating isn’t meant to be like this.
Sure you date someone but remember you also end up dating the people in their life.
And I didn’t think I could date crazy.