It’s something I didn’t really tell people and when I do it just kinda falls out. Like a confession or something. I am about to graduate and go on to do another year but in post graduate studies and in reality I question what the f**k I may be doing if I didn’t end up in Auckland. (Side thought am I a Jafa now? Do I need to apply to be one? Do I get a medal?) So why did I almost not go to uni? Well there are a couple of reasons.
- I actually missed the deadline for my applications. The day the applications closed I realise and freaked out. Lord I lost it. My stunning mother came to my rescue and saved my ass. Also the man I spoke to at Auckland Uni calmed me down and said it should be fine. (I didn’t trust him but he had a soothing voice). I had to get my photo taken, see a JP and get everything back in time. It wasn’t a pleasant experience and I keep a very close eye on the deadlines. Lesson learnt. Cheers mum.
- I wasn’t sold on studying dance. Honestly my 18 year old self was thinking “you are going to be broke for life”. Seriously no one in Nelson makes money from dance unless you run a dancing studio. Teaching your 5 year old kids for the rest of my life didn’t see that amazing. And this is where it gets interesting, I was going to become a paramedic. Ha, gotcha. Give me blood, gore, broken bones and chaos and I find a very strange calm in it all. It was halloween and myself and a few friends were heading up to a friends house for dinner, a swim and many beers when we rolled back from Kaiteriteri to his private gate. The damn thing wouldn’t open. (you should know he has a lot of money). So sitting in the back seat I saw something on the driveway. A bike and what looked like shoe. Thinking it was a practical joke I jumped out then yelled at Jacob who’s house it was because there was a body and a lot of blood. No practical joke here. All real and a 3 meter fence between us and this kid. Every one in the car thought we were in on the joke as we threw ourselves over the fence. He was in and out of conciseness and it was Jacobs nephew. He was in shock and all our phones were dead, so as Sumer raced up to call 111 Jacob and I assessed him. I couldn’t figure out why the gate wasn’t opening and then the blood trail told the story. He had come down the hill on his brand new race bike that wasn’t even installed with brakes when he had come down the hill on his sandals and smashed his body into the gate instead of making the turn to go up the side track. A broken collar bone, wrist, ribs and a fractured skull. Really a good job all round. It was reflecting upon this when I though I would go and study to become a paramedic.
- I really really really wanted to go see the world. I was a tumblr girl and lord when someone binge posts on overseas images. You want to go. To run. Im 21 and still haven’t been out of NZ. (Im freaking out that I will never leave.) The wish list is Canada, Greece, Egypt, North Pole and a few others! I could of worked and gone but I guess I am just waiting.
Its been a three years, and I only have one week left. Still have stupid summer school but lets be honest its the most chill 6 weeks ever. I have shows which you should all come to because that would be nice and I would love not to be a loner. You know I am still not sure if I should of gone to university and I am still not sure if I enjoy it or if I want to do postgraduate. But I would be shit head if I dropped out now. I mean I made it this far and didn’t kill myself with my cooking or lack of sleep so clearly I can do another week.
So I am just going to be writing my last written assessment tonight for my general education paper that 50 fucking percent. I would like a wine but tea will be fine. Still trying to adult.
It is almost the end of the year for me. I graduate next May. October for the past two years has been a nightmare waiting to happen. You see I don’t have exams. I just have cute 30% assignments all through the year, but in October my assignments means show, essays, videos and a never ending battle with university. Soon it will be over, thats all that keeps me going.
This year I have been an adult more than previous years and honestly I’m tired and mostly stressed. I got an apartment, took on an internship, upped my work hours and committed to more things than ever before and if anyone wants to take me on a vacation for my 21st which is in 10 days I am all yours.
You know when your becoming an adult when birthdays are just a pain in the bum. Im turning 21 and feel 82. Black little pits I have for my eyes. Help.
So with all this going on how do I deal with stress?
- Lie down and cry.
- Make food, what ever you want. No one can judge you. It is a hard time right now.
- Take a few deep breaths.
- Go for a walk.
- Make a very specific to do list.
- Clean your room.
- Lie down and cry.
- Text your best friend.
- Hide in a cafe and pretend your okay.
- Disappear into the internet.
- Get really angry.
- Make a cup of tea.
- Have a dance.
- Just do the thing.
- Try do some yoga.
- Have a cider.
- Eat some cheese.
- Make yourself pretty.
- Online shop.
- Lie down and cry.
Honestly dealing with stress isn’t easy. Hence why Hidden Under The Covers has been so quiet. Sorry.
I may or may not be lying on my couch in my underwear thinking about all the things I need to do. Whilst I write this.
This list is:
- Find time for choreography
- Plan an ending for said piece.
- Email development notes for Cell by Cell
- Production form for “all the lies I have ever been told” (ATLIHEBT)
- Description for programe for said piece.
- Choreographer statement for the same piece.
- Hand in LUMINA final essay.
- Pack kitchenware and bedding in apartment.
- Email landlord about bond form.
- Clean house.
- Buy milk, toothpaste, bread, other items.
- Sort watches out, replace batteries.
- Pack rest of bedroom.
- Clean house this weekend.
- Move house this weekend.
- Organise clothes for front of house work. Saturday.
- Make some sort of plan for my birthday.
- Redirect mail.
- Give date for shutting off power.
- START assessments for fine arts paper.
- Attend meeting for stage management for postgrad show.
- Email Molly.
- Lighting design for Cell by Cell, ATLIHEBT, Peace Keeper.
- Develop Peace Keeper.
- Do another blog post.
- Sign up for summer school.
- Sign up for postgraduate studies.
- SORT OUT BOND.
- Do the video assessment.
- Not die.
3 weeks till freedom.
For all of you who are not engaged, married, or pregnant. Trying to adult. You are not alone.
Just so you know, this isn’t my poached eggs. Stolen from the internet. Food porn.
So I rolled out of the hospital last week after three nights surrounded by 3 ladies drugged up just like me. I came home with discharge notes, medical certificate and a prescription. As soon as I got home I realised in my haste to get out of there (I don’t like hospitals) I had left my teddy there. Yes laugh, my teddy. His name is teddy and he has been with me since I was born. Knitted when I was still in the womb he means a lot to me. Jamie brought it up to me on day two of the hotel from hell to soothe me through morphine doses with a dash of tramadol. So I had to be an adult, ring the hospital and ask them to find my teddy.
Hospital 1, Seren 0.
Now I am 20… 21 is October. Young, sassy and still growing. I was scrolling through my Facebook when another one of my friends was now pregnant.
- 13 weeks.
- No drinking for you.
- Do we have cider in the fridge still?
- No alcohol for two weeks. Doctors notes.
- A tiny human.
- Baby tracker is kinda gross.
- OH SHES ENGAGED TOO.
- Scans Facebook profile.
- TO HIM?
- We went to primary school together.
- I thought I was on track.
- What is life?
- What am I doing?
- Should I be worried?
- You are well behind.
- I don’t want kids for a long time though.
- I am 20.
- Biological clock though?
- IM TWENTY.
- Lots of time.
- 15 more years at least.
- I still haven’t seen most of the Disney movies.
- I am still a child.
- No young adult.
- I couldn’t handle a poop machine yet.
- Adult, that I am.
- I lost my teddy.
- Not even close to taking care of another human.
- I want a cat.
- Could I get a cat in my apartment.
- Random cat flap that goes out to nowhere just 6 floors down.
*scrolls newsfeed more*
- ARE YOU F**KING SERIOUS.
- YOU ARE MARRIED TOO?
- YOU WERE JUST ENGAGED
- THAT WAS A SHOCK.
- Cute dress.
- Only one photo for me to cry at?
- You are my age and married.
- Have you seen the world?
- Who is he?
- Oh yes.
- He was with your friend for a while.
- Never liked him.
- Good luck.
- No I am being sincere.
- Adult Seren.
- SH*T, GOD DAMMIT.
- Where are you going?
- What is your life plan?
- Do I need to be engaged?
- Thank you.
- *Hisses at screen*
- Should I save for a house?
- I haven’t left NZ yet.
- Need to finish my degree.
- Oh lord.
- I am not at uni next year.
- Out and about.
- Thats okay.
- How do you adult.
- I can do it.
- I am doing it.
- Googles how to….poach eggs.
- Heck yeah I can do this.
- Poaching like a boss.
- TO THE KITCHEN AND BEYOND!
*quietly sings to self about not being married, engaged or pregnant. With a dash of freedom*
Just saying I can poach eggs. They were delicious. Two of them.
I have so many questions. Why is everyone engaged, married or up the duff? This is the new normal. There seems to be a wave of people I know who are advancing and ticking of the appropriate adult things. I mean my ex is now married to a girl 6 months older than me. When I found out he was engaged to be. I laughed and almost made a t-shirt saying “dodged a bullet”. Almost. But now he is apart of the normal and I am over here eating avocado and eggs on toast trying not to get it on my white shirt.
Truth of the matter is growing up so quickly freaks me the f**k out. Bills, food shopping, cleaning and maintaining the life I have with my significant other is stressful enough. Throw in University, work and the fact that our elevator is not working again makes me anxious. Just so you know, I now own a blazer, blouse and two sets of dress pants. TWO. I also have business cards. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM A 20 YEAR OLD?