Im not done yet.

2015 has been a roller coaster. Moved house three times, turned 21, finished my degree, started a blog, had an emotional break down, lost sleep, worked through 8 pairs of shoes, broke zero bones, one internship, thousands of emails, many essays and countless hours dancing.

I write this from my family home in Nelson, where the sun shines and makes me want to stay for more than 6 days. The sun is shinning and my sunburn is hella bad. Not use to the O-zone in the area of NZ. 2015 in reflection has taught me a few things as every white girl will tell you on her Facebook. I suppose I should admit to you all that I listen to Justin Beiber and drink far to much coffee (unless your James Jansen that is.)

What I learnt this year is that some people are just shit, I also learnt that going to the supermarket at 11pm at night is bad for your bank account. I know now after 12 months boys like lace and frills not just pretty faces. It’s clear that in a year you will lose friends but that Chinese dumplings will always be there for you. After 365 days parallel parking is a piece of piss and cats can be dickheads.

tumblr_mraoppKZBo1s2hahlo1_500

So where does this leave me for 2016?  With more questions, for you and for me. Like why do people think I’m from Canada and how does one tackle being blocked by an ex?? I ain’t even started. How many cups of tea does it take to fix a broken person or can you always do the right thing?

My New Years resolution for 2015 was not to eat any take aways. No McDonald’s or KFC. I can safely say I did that. A year without chicken nuggets some would say is a year I did not live. The after town feast was difficult but nothing a falafale kabab can’t fix. I have also now done 6 months no sugar and look forward to a life time free of it.

So in 2016 I wonder what will happen, I can tell you I don’t plan on being married or pregnant. I plan to continue writing. That I know. 2016 is a year full of exciting opportunities and honestly, I cannot wait for it to start.

Trying to work out a New Years resolution ain’t easy and my year is starting out by simply winging it. Dissapearing down the coast for a few days and most likely get burnt again, drinking a few beverages, throwing some banter around and enjoying all that NZ has to offer.

My take from 2015 is that I am still growing up, that 21 is not an adult age despite what the law says. That I have a lot of growing to do, that I am questioning more things than ever before.

So peace out 2015, bring on 2016. 

p.s thats not me in the photo. but you came here thinking it was. i see you. 😉

this is me ….Photo on 31-12-15 at 10.45 am #2.jpg

A List Of People I Hate. In Detail.

It may be the merry time of the year but its also that time of the year where we all sit back and look at the people who fucked us up and over. Its now and not at new years when most people think about that list of humans who should crawl under a rock and stay there. I was in the shower when it occurred to me that I am ruthless when it comes to friendships. Cheers for that mum. I mean I honestly need to do a Facebook detox and get rid of everyone who I don’t care about. Those popular girls from school already did that.

I won’t shed a tear guys, Im good.

So a list that comprises of the people who just make my eyes roll back into my head, sigh loudly and then stare into their eyes with no remorse. Its 2015 and I am bloody ruthless mate.

  1. Bad drivers, those who don’t indicate. People are landing on the moon, you can flip a switch.
  2. Slow walkers anywhere, this is not a time for slow moving. We all have somewhere to be. Kick it up a gear thanks.
  3. Customers who try tell you how to do your job. You don’t work here, your not my boss. Shhhhhhh, baby please.
  4. BIG ASS DRIVING MOTHERS AND THERE SHITY HAIR CUTS.
  5. The girls who are trying to sell me a waist trainer in the mall. If your selling pitch is “clearly your mum blessed you, pay her and the world back by getting our waist trainer”. I blessed myself thanks. I don’t owe anyone anything right now, at least not with my body.
  6. Anti-femminst. Its almost 2016. Equality shouldn’t be scary anymore.
  7. Anyone who is late. Without communication. If your prompt we can all get going.
  8. INTERRUPTING ANYONE. If you are this person, I gave you your chance to talk and now it is mine. If you butt in, I will start again. Same line, same way. Till you get it.
  9. Stubborn low lives who cannot get off their so called high horse to be a reasonable human being.
  10. That person who stole your car park at the during christmas hours. Special place in hell for you.
  11. Dudes who share nudes. Y’all need to grow up.
  12. People who cancel plans at the last minute, or who never show up. I see you, I see how it is. Ass hole.
  13. Those people at the airport who try get on the plane before they are called.
  14. If you don’t use deodorant. B/O is not cute.
  15. That woman who asks for a half shot decaf latte bowl. Or decaf short black. No. You can have a cup of no.
  16. People who use their phone in the movie theatres. Its dark in here. But not with your giant spot light.
  17. That girl in the club who spills her drink all over you because she’s upset that her fuckboy ran away.
  18. Those people who hold a conversation with you to only prove that they are doing better in life than you. Take your Nike Shoes, Karen Walker sunglasses  and skim milk coffee all the way out of my life.
  19. That upperclass business man who scoffs at having a career in the arts. Ya, you can go back to sitting behind a desk and work for ‘The Man.’
  20. People who try convince you to have a relationship with their God. Im good, trying to have a relationship with myself. Thats hard enough.
  21. Fuckboys.
  22. People who flick sand off their towel at the beach all into your face.
  23. If you yell. I automatically assume that we cannot have an adult conversation.
  24. Bathroom hogging mother fuckers.
  25. Liars. I see you too.

I mean come on, you have to admit, someone on this list pisses you off too. That person at the airport. Always.

Please leave a comment of who pisses you off and why. Write it down and let it go. This is your chance before 2016.

Why I Almost Didn’t Go To University

It’s something I didn’t really tell people and when I do it just kinda falls out. Like a confession or something. I am about to graduate and go on to do another year but in post graduate studies and in reality I question what the f**k I may be doing if I didn’t end up in Auckland. (Side thought am I a Jafa now? Do I need to apply to be one? Do I get a medal?) So why did I almost not go to uni? Well there are a couple of reasons.

  1. I actually missed the deadline for my applications. The day the applications closed I realise and freaked out. Lord I lost it. My stunning mother came to my rescue and saved my ass. Also  the man I spoke to at Auckland Uni calmed me down and said it should be fine. (I didn’t trust him but he had a soothing voice). I had to get my photo taken, see a JP and get everything back in time. It wasn’t a pleasant experience and I keep a very close eye on the deadlines. Lesson learnt. Cheers mum.
  2. I wasn’t sold on studying dance. Honestly my 18 year old self was thinking “you are going to be broke for life”. Seriously no one in Nelson makes money from dance unless you run a dancing studio. Teaching your 5 year old kids for the rest of my life didn’t see that amazing. And this is where it gets interesting, I was going to become a paramedic. Ha, gotcha. Give me blood, gore, broken bones and chaos and I find a very strange calm in it all. It was halloween and myself and a few friends were heading up to a friends house for dinner, a swim and many beers when we rolled back from Kaiteriteri to his private gate. The damn thing wouldn’t open. (you should know he has a lot of money). So sitting in the back seat I saw something on the driveway. A bike and what looked like shoe. Thinking it was a practical joke I jumped out then yelled at Jacob who’s house it was because there was a body and a lot of blood. No practical joke here. All real and a 3 meter fence between us and this kid. Every one in the car thought we were in on the joke as we threw ourselves over the fence. He was in and out of conciseness and it was Jacobs nephew. He was in shock and all our phones were dead, so as Sumer raced up to call 111 Jacob and I assessed him. I couldn’t figure out why the gate wasn’t opening and then the blood trail told the story. He had come down the hill on his brand new race bike that wasn’t even installed with brakes when he had come down the hill on his sandals and smashed his body into the gate instead of making the turn to go up the side track. A broken collar bone, wrist, ribs and a fractured skull. Really a good job all round. It was reflecting upon this when I though I would go and study to become a paramedic.
  3. I really really really wanted to go see the world. I was a tumblr girl and lord when someone binge posts on overseas images. You want to go. To run. Im 21 and still haven’t been out of NZ. (Im freaking out that I will never leave.) The wish list is Canada, Greece, Egypt, North Pole and a few others! I could of worked and gone but I guess I am just waiting.

Its been a three years, and I only have one week left. Still have stupid summer school but lets be honest its the most chill 6 weeks ever. I have shows which you should all come to because that would be nice and I would love not to be a loner. You know I am still not sure if I should of gone to university and I am still not sure if I enjoy it or if I want to do postgraduate. But I would be shit head if I dropped out now. I mean I made it this far and didn’t kill myself with my cooking or lack of sleep so clearly I can do another week.

So I am just going to be writing my last written assessment tonight for my general education paper that 50 fucking percent. I would like a wine but tea will be fine. Still trying to adult.

21 Ways To Deal With Stress.

It is almost the end of the year for me. I graduate next May. October for the past two years has been a nightmare waiting to happen. You see I don’t have exams. I just have cute 30% assignments all through the year, but in October my assignments means show, essays, videos and a never ending battle with university. Soon it will be over, thats all that keeps me going.

This year I have been an adult more than previous years and honestly I’m tired and mostly stressed. I got an apartment, took on an internship, upped my work hours and committed to more things than ever before and if anyone wants to take me on a vacation for my 21st which is in 10 days I am all yours.

You know when your becoming an adult when birthdays are just a pain in the bum. Im turning 21 and feel 82. Black little pits I have for my eyes. Help.

So with all this going on how do I deal with stress?

  1. Lie down and cry.
  2. Make food, what ever you want. No one can judge you. It is a hard time right now.
  3. Sleep.
  4. Take a few deep breaths.
  5. Go for a walk.
  6. Make a very specific to do list.
  7. Clean your room.
  8. Lie down and cry.
  9. Text your best friend.
  10. Hide in a cafe and pretend your okay.
  11. Disappear into the internet.
  12. Get really angry.
  13. Make a cup of tea.
  14. Have a dance.
  15. Just do the thing.
  16. Try do some yoga.
  17. Have a cider.
  18. Eat some cheese.
  19. Make yourself pretty.
  20. Online shop.
  21. Lie down and cry.

Honestly dealing with stress isn’t easy. Hence why Hidden Under The Covers has been so quiet. Sorry.

I may or may not be lying on my couch in my underwear thinking about all the things I need to do. Whilst I write this.

This list is:

  • Find time for choreography
  • Plan an ending for said piece.
  • Email development notes for Cell by Cell
  • Production form for “all the lies I have ever been told” (ATLIHEBT)
  • Description for programe for said piece.
  • Choreographer statement for the same piece.
  • Hand in LUMINA final essay.
  • Pack kitchenware and bedding in apartment.
  • Email landlord about bond form.
  • Clean house.
  • Buy milk, toothpaste, bread, other items.
  • Sort watches out, replace batteries.
  • Pack rest of bedroom.
  • Clean house this weekend.
  • Move house this weekend.
  • Organise clothes for front of house work. Saturday.
  • Make some sort of plan for my birthday.
  • Redirect mail.
  • Give date for shutting off power.
  • START assessments for fine arts paper.
  • Attend meeting for stage management for postgrad show.
  • Email Molly.
  • Lighting design for Cell by Cell, ATLIHEBT, Peace Keeper.
  • Develop Peace Keeper.
  • Do another blog post.
  • Sign up for summer school.
  • Sign up for postgraduate studies.
  • SORT OUT BOND.
  • Do the video assessment.
  • Not die.

3 weeks till freedom.

What is it like to have a sassy personality?

So I am writing this as I wait for my tan to dry. Its August and Im a pale bitch who needs some sun kissed skin. Now it occurred to me that my Q&A might not be a roaring success cause all you people (sitting there reading this slumped behind your laptops) know me well enough. Well you curious bastards this is what you get and if you don’t like it well then don’t keep reading.

Your still here aren’t ya?

Well, shall we answer the question about being sassy?

Definition:

Sassy 

possessing the attitude of someone endowed with an ungodly amount of cool.
Now more often than not I get told that I am so sassy.
That I have a sassy pony tail (what ever that means)
That my jokes are so sassy (I make terrible jokes)
That I approach life with sass (mmmm k.)
Heres a something that really happened. I had a performance review somewhere and they told me I was too sassy. What does that even translate to? As in how do I walk away from this conversation? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? On the scale of sassiness where do I score? 1 being a weak toddler who just wants a cookie to 10 which is a woman in the middle of a fight presenting information from 2 years ago with specific dates and times. Can you please place me on the scale because I am not dealing with this amount of grey.
Now don’t get me wrong having sass is not wrong. Do what you want with the damn word. I would agree I am sassy but of course always in a good way. I sit here now writing a few shades browner and confused about where the hell this bit of writing is going but alas we must continue.
The best quote that I was given to me by a male who thought he would let me know that I have a sexy bum. Conversation went like this.
I was walking through a super market picking up dinner when suddenly la wild man appears (we were in the tea section)
Man: Damn girl.
Seren: Excuse me?
M: You have a sexy bum.
S: Who asked for your opinion?
M: I thought I would give my input.
S: You thought wrong mate.
M: Im not your mate but I can be?
S: How about you just f**k off back to your shopping?
M: Girl, don’t be like that. You ain’t gonna to get a man like that.
*Seren takes a step forward to said man*
S: You need to get off what ever boat your own. F**k back off to the hole you crawled out off.
You are just a disappointment to society.
M: Calm your tits sassy girl.
*Seren now pointing and raising her voice.
S: I swear to god I will ruin you. If you don’t turn around and continue with your poor tea selection.
*Man makes Pssssh noise and turns around*
LE WILD SEREN FINDS SECURITY
*See man being escorted out of the supermarket.*
Honestly cat calling isn’t okay. BUT THATS ANOTHER DAY KAAAAAAAY.
I couldn’t explain what it is like to be ‘sassy’ but it is apart of me, I guess. The word will probably die out and something else will come to replace it then I will be that but for now I am a sassy 20 year old. But its empowering to know that people almost fear what will come out of your mouth though your a lady. (Sorry Dad about my language.)
Look be who ever you want. Just be a kind human being. Be proud of you. I mean I can poach an egg now and can adult. My life is working out with a touch of sassiness. So I will flick my pony tail and take my sad jokes with me and be fine. Your welcome. From me. XOXO Gossip Goat.
p.s this place is bloody funny.
 http://thesassiestplace.tumblr.com

All my friends are engaged, married or pregnant and I am over here trying to poach an egg.

For all of you who are not engaged, married, or pregnant. Trying to adult. You are not alone.

Just so you know, this isn’t my poached eggs. Stolen from the internet. Food porn.

So I rolled out of the hospital last week after three nights surrounded by 3 ladies drugged up just like me. I came home with discharge notes, medical certificate and a prescription. As soon as I got home I realised in my haste to get out of there (I don’t like hospitals) I had left my teddy there. Yes laugh, my teddy. His name is teddy and he has been with me since I was born. Knitted when I was still in the womb he means a lot to me. Jamie brought it up to me on day two of the hotel from hell to soothe me through morphine doses with a dash of tramadol. So I had to be an adult, ring the hospital and ask them to find my teddy.

Hospital 1, Seren 0.

Now I am 20… 21 is October. Young, sassy and still growing. I was scrolling through my Facebook when another one of my friends was now pregnant.

Thoughts?

  1. No.
  2. Yep.
  3. 13 weeks.
  4. January.
  5. No drinking for you.
  6. Do we have cider in the fridge still?
  7. No alcohol for two weeks. Doctors notes.
  8. A tiny human.
  9. ALIEN.
  10. Baby tracker is kinda gross.
  11. Babies.
  12. Why?
  13. OH SHES ENGAGED TOO.
  14. What?
  15. When?
  16. Scans Facebook profile.
  17. TO HIM?
  18. No.
  19. Yep.
  20. Wow.
  21. We went to primary school together.
  22. I thought I was on track.
  23. What is life?
  24. What am I doing?
  25. Should I be worried?
  26. Yes.
  27. You are well behind.
  28. I don’t want kids for a long time though.
  29. I am 20.
  30. Biological clock though?
  31. IM TWENTY.
  32. Lots of time.
  33. 15 more years at least.
  34. I still haven’t seen most of the Disney movies.
  35. I am still a child.
  36. No young adult.
  37. I couldn’t handle a poop machine yet.
  38. Adult, that I am.
  39. I lost my teddy.
  40. Not even close to taking care of another human.
  41. I want a cat.
  42. Yep.
  43. Kitty.
  44. Could I get a cat in my apartment.
  45. No.
  46. Random cat flap that goes out to nowhere just 6 floors down.
  47. Right.
  48. Okay.
  49. F**k.

*scrolls newsfeed more*

  1. ARE YOU F**KING SERIOUS.
  2. YOU ARE MARRIED TOO?
  3. YOU WERE JUST ENGAGED
  4. THAT WAS A SHOCK.
  5. Cute dress.
  6. Only one photo for me to cry at?
  7. Why?
  8. You are my age and married.
  9. Have you seen the world?
  10. Who is he?
  11. Oh yes.
  12. He was with your friend for a while.
  13. Never liked him.
  14. Good luck.
  15. No I am being sincere.
  16. Adult Seren.
  17. SH*T, GOD DAMMIT.
  18. Why?
  19. Where are you going?
  20. What is your life plan?
  21. Do I need to be engaged?
  22. No.
  23. HA.
  24. No.
  25. Thank you.
  26. *Hisses at screen*
  27. Should I save for a house?
  28. I haven’t left NZ yet.
  29. Need to finish my degree.
  30. Oh lord.
  31. I am not at uni next year.
  32. Out and about.
  33. LIVING.
  34. Thats okay.
  35. How do you adult.
  36. I can do it.
  37. I am doing it.
  38. Eggs.
  39. Poached.
  40. How?
  41. Googles how to….poach eggs.
  42. Heck yeah I can do this.
  43. Poaching like a boss.
  44. TO THE KITCHEN AND BEYOND!

*quietly sings to self about not being married, engaged or pregnant. With a dash of freedom*

Just saying I can poach eggs. They were delicious. Two of them.

I have so many questions. Why is everyone engaged, married or up the duff? This is the new normal. There seems to be a wave of people I know who are advancing and ticking of the appropriate adult things. I mean my ex is now married to a girl 6 months older than me. When I found out he was engaged to be. I laughed and almost made a t-shirt saying “dodged a bullet”. Almost. But now he is apart of the normal and I am over here eating avocado and eggs on toast trying not to get it on my white shirt.

Truth of the matter is growing up so quickly freaks me the f**k out. Bills, food shopping, cleaning and maintaining the life I have with my significant other is stressful enough. Throw in University, work and the fact that our elevator is not working again makes me anxious. Just so you know, I now own a blazer, blouse and two sets of dress pants. TWO. I also have business cards. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM A 20 YEAR OLD?

Lessons Death Has Taught Me

It is the end of the line and one of the few things we are never taught to deal with. It takes those around us, quickly like a cold wind or slowly like a flower blooming without the same affect on our heart. It is the conversation of death and how we should approach it.

I have to apologize for my lack of entries as the real world has taken over. A busy end of semester, a full on internship and the news that my partners grandfather had taken a fall. But I come to you with vibes of positivity.

I have never really had to deal with the brunt of death. The idea of losing someone so close. Yet I have always been one person away. My last nana passed away when I was young but I do remember watching my dad break and cry because we lived on the other side of the world and he had never felt so isolated in his life. He showed me that parents do have a threshold and that was too much to bear. My other and close passing with death was when a friend committed suicide. This was heart wrenching. I still to this day do not understand why he did what he did. He was the best friend of the gentleman I was seeing. We weren’t together. I had meet his mother once. The second day I ever met her she was crying over a stove and she was broken. He was silent and crying into his hands surrounded by men who had fallen against walls staring off into the abyss.

So what does happen when you are dealt the card of death? What do you do? What do you talk about?

Jamie’s grandfather passes away on Friday and I was once again left to deal with what was left. What I can tell you as I write this at Jamie’s mum’s house is that men and women do often deal with death differently.

Here is what I have observed in my brief encounters

  • Both sexes do either one of these things: become extremely practical, remain the same, emotional.
  • At some point you will have to talk about what is going on.
  • Tea can do a lot of healing but so can whisky.
  • Saying you are sorry can make people angry. Say you are here if you need anything.
  • Give everyone time. Time to sit and reflect and time to sit in silence for the process of healing to begin.
  • Death takes the filter off many things in life and reveals what is important.
  • Men do cry, shake and sob. The do sometimes need a shoulder to nestle into.
  • A warm place with friends is a good place to talk about how everyone is feeling.
  • Even a year later it still hurts.
  • Funerals are also places to celebrate, laugh and smile.
  • You will at some point cry.
  • Some people cook everything is sight.
  • Others will sit and cry.
  • People are stronger than they think.
  • Sleep. Is. Needed. Always.
  • Your memories of the person are your treasure to keep.
  • What ever happened they are now at peace.

I will wear a black dress tomorrow and offer my shoulder to those who need it. All suits are ironed and all the details have been made clear.

I write this to tell people that death will have some sort of relationship with you and you will have to deal with it at some point. You are human, strong and you will get through this. I write this saying that each and every death is different. I write this because tomorrow I will watch as we lay to rest a man who I only met once but didn’t give up till the very end. It is without saying that if you ever need to talk I am here. We must be there for one another, death is just a sober reminder of that.