32 Things I Have Learnt Living With a Boy

So at the start of the year I moved into an apartment with my partner (he’s the one in the photo, if you needed me to point that out) and I won’t lie when I say I was nervous. Honestly I wasn’t sure if it was the right idea. We had been together for 7 months and I had just spent a month living at his house with his mum. (She has an amazing house, perks of having an interior designer as a mum). I was on the hunt for an apartment or room for myself and my other flat mate when a property in the middle of the city popped up. It was perfect, I knew the previous tenants and I had been there before. The place was great minus the price tag. $540 for a two bedroom new york styled apartment. Fully furnished. Just waiting for someone to live in it. You do the math. Two girls cannot afford $270 plus expenses whilst studying. But between three. Well.. thats how Jamie came into play. None the less we have the apartment and have been living here since January. Nick named ‘The Hot Box’ because the loft can reach above 30 degrees. A mere when you are trying to sleep.

So what have I found out whilst living with a boy/man/lad/gentleman for the first time….

  1. Everything has a place. If you want something it will be in its place. So stop asking.
  2. There is twice as much washing. So many t-shirts. I now have 3 washing baskets.
  3. I don’t have to cook every night.
  4. Supermarket shopping takes three times as long if there is no plan.
  5. You have to organise your week with someone else.
  6. Romantic showers don’t really exist.
  7. Milk never last longs.
  8. Neither does snacks.
  9. I own most of the wardrobe.
  10. We have separate desk and work stations because we have different shit going on.
  11. There is a nice side to the bed. We rotate on who feels worse.
  12. Toothpaste is always running out.
  13. Jamie can now do my back for fake tan.
  14. He is also my stylist.
  15. He is my reminder to do work.
  16. I am a very tidy person. Now Jamie is too. Though he hates our vacuum.
  17. Its okay if you forget your keys because someone else has a set.
  18. Alone time is nice.
  19. I still hate folding washing.
  20. If one of you is sick. There is no hope for the other person.
  21. Seeing your family now involves both of you. There is no “how are you?” its “how are you both?”
  22. Date night still is a thing. Once a week. When you have time.
  23. Someone can always click my back.
  24. Buying food happens 3 times a week.
  25. My chap sticks are always disappearing.
  26. He likes my soup and I like his pesto pasta.
  27. You have your top cheerleader with you always.
  28. Someone will cover you up in a blanket when you fall asleep on the couch.
  29. Boys hate the doctors. With a passion.
  30. Having alcohol with your meal makes your a classy couple.
  31. People think its weird when your not together.
  32. Taking a nap is not as easy when someone wants to play video games.

I could go on, but maybe I will do a 2.0 version of this list. So the end of the year is coming about and my mother is already asking me what my plans are. Honestly I am just trying to make it to the end of the week. Let alone what my plans are. I know that 1. I will be doing summer school and then graduating. 2. I am mostly certain of doing my honours degree and 3. I will be in Auckland. The other plan is that I will live with Jamie, but the Auckland property market is horrible and so bloody competitive. Want a house. Thats nice. You can fight it out with 40 other people. Like families and very professional couples. Good luck. So the adventure continues. Its been a while since we chatted but I have some good post coming out. But honestly please let me know if there is something you want me to talk about. Im all ears. You have me line, hook and sinker.

Also if you haven’t go and like our page. https://www.facebook.com/hiddenunderthecovers?fref=ts because I post things on there I don’t post anywhere else.

All my love XOXO Gossip Goat. aka Seren. Im getting all weird again. Guys this is why we must talk every week.

What is it like to have a sassy personality?

So I am writing this as I wait for my tan to dry. Its August and Im a pale bitch who needs some sun kissed skin. Now it occurred to me that my Q&A might not be a roaring success cause all you people (sitting there reading this slumped behind your laptops) know me well enough. Well you curious bastards this is what you get and if you don’t like it well then don’t keep reading.

Your still here aren’t ya?

Well, shall we answer the question about being sassy?

Definition:

Sassy 

possessing the attitude of someone endowed with an ungodly amount of cool.
Now more often than not I get told that I am so sassy.
That I have a sassy pony tail (what ever that means)
That my jokes are so sassy (I make terrible jokes)
That I approach life with sass (mmmm k.)
Heres a something that really happened. I had a performance review somewhere and they told me I was too sassy. What does that even translate to? As in how do I walk away from this conversation? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? On the scale of sassiness where do I score? 1 being a weak toddler who just wants a cookie to 10 which is a woman in the middle of a fight presenting information from 2 years ago with specific dates and times. Can you please place me on the scale because I am not dealing with this amount of grey.
Now don’t get me wrong having sass is not wrong. Do what you want with the damn word. I would agree I am sassy but of course always in a good way. I sit here now writing a few shades browner and confused about where the hell this bit of writing is going but alas we must continue.
The best quote that I was given to me by a male who thought he would let me know that I have a sexy bum. Conversation went like this.
I was walking through a super market picking up dinner when suddenly la wild man appears (we were in the tea section)
Man: Damn girl.
Seren: Excuse me?
M: You have a sexy bum.
S: Who asked for your opinion?
M: I thought I would give my input.
S: You thought wrong mate.
M: Im not your mate but I can be?
S: How about you just f**k off back to your shopping?
M: Girl, don’t be like that. You ain’t gonna to get a man like that.
*Seren takes a step forward to said man*
S: You need to get off what ever boat your own. F**k back off to the hole you crawled out off.
You are just a disappointment to society.
M: Calm your tits sassy girl.
*Seren now pointing and raising her voice.
S: I swear to god I will ruin you. If you don’t turn around and continue with your poor tea selection.
*Man makes Pssssh noise and turns around*
LE WILD SEREN FINDS SECURITY
*See man being escorted out of the supermarket.*
Honestly cat calling isn’t okay. BUT THATS ANOTHER DAY KAAAAAAAY.
I couldn’t explain what it is like to be ‘sassy’ but it is apart of me, I guess. The word will probably die out and something else will come to replace it then I will be that but for now I am a sassy 20 year old. But its empowering to know that people almost fear what will come out of your mouth though your a lady. (Sorry Dad about my language.)
Look be who ever you want. Just be a kind human being. Be proud of you. I mean I can poach an egg now and can adult. My life is working out with a touch of sassiness. So I will flick my pony tail and take my sad jokes with me and be fine. Your welcome. From me. XOXO Gossip Goat.
p.s this place is bloody funny.
 http://thesassiestplace.tumblr.com

The 5 Sex Lessons They Don’t Teach You In High School.

So the saga continues.

Lets get in it balls deep. (My jokes are in no way ever going to be funny. We already know this but I will write them out any way cause I am a sassy gal)

Picture theses situations:

  1. Talking with a boy about sex. He says “so are you on the pill?” you say “no” and then there is this awkward tension because he hasn’t put two dots together and assumes that the pill is the only contraception. I HAVE HAD THIS SITUATION. Also had the awkward explaining that it (an IUD) looks like a fish hook but is inside me. IN NO TONE CAN YOU MAKE THIS SOUND APPEALING. If your man doesn’t know that there is other contraception out there other than the pill and a condom you should just highlight this moment. Possibly move him along.
  2. If you are about to have sex and your man say “do I have to” in regards to wearing a condom. GET UP. Do not say a word and leave. Close the door and delete his number. Yall think I am joking really Im not. Also on this same point you should not have to ask for him to wear a condom. Because the situation of you staring at him and then his dick whilst he takes his 45 second break to do the one thing he HAS to do. Real romantic. There is no if’s or but’s round this one. Goes for both girls and guys.
  3. You should be getting an STI check after every sexual partner. BOTH OF YOU. You should have a conversation about when you had one last and it should not be judgemental. It also gives you both peace of mind. If they have never had one, you should highly recommend that they do.
  4. You should also have a conversation about what is okay and what isn’t in terms of in the bedroom or outside. You don’t know. This can be as straight forward as a checklist. (There is lots online) Or a game of 40 questions. Know your boundaries and others. You might discover that you both like something but are a little too shy to say.
  5. Your sex life should also be private. No one wants to walk in on their significant other talking about your intimate details to other people you don’t know. “She loves it from behind.” *walks in, opens front door* “you can let yourself out.”

These are some of the situations in which you should take action or act upon. What I am trying to say is teach each other many things, maybe it is how to talk about sex or that their behaviour is unacceptable.

Next week we will continue on talking about this stunning topic of sex. Let me know if there is anything you really want me to address and write about. Short and sweet on your Friday night.

It looks like a ducks bill.

I am going to assume that most girls know what the topic line is about. You can laugh at that. You men can just continue reading. I have just finished writing a 1200 word essay on Frank Ocean and in my deep, panic thoughts my mind was tossing between taboo topics and societies stubbornness not to accept or talk about it.

Sex.

Hehe.

There is many topics that come along with sex and I thought I might do a series on it. Everything from contraception to society’s inability to talk about it. I am just going to start an open discussion. Open a door and leave it jammed there. Letting the information flow. I have to write a disclaimer that I am in no way a doctor or know 100% what I am talking about. I am going to talk about MY experience. Personal and raw I thought it would make for good reading. So if you find yourself thinking about anything I have written and want to know more. I might be able to help but you should go to your doctor because they are the ones who trained their whole life to help you. I am here to let you know that you shouldn’t be afraid of the topic of sex and ALL that comes with it. So shall we start with the topic of contraception. That wee gem.

Also I need to add this, if you read this and find yourself judging me. Close the door, walk away. This little community doesn’t need you. There is no judgment here. Never will be. So if you can’t handle this topic that’s okay. Stop reading. I write this because I received a very concerning email. Anonymously written it told me in great deal that the topics I confront on MY blog are not appropriate for society. Like I have stated before and as I wrote back to that individual. I am thankful for your opinion, it lets me know that people are reading hiddenunderthecovers. If the title of this blog didn’t give it away there is always an exit button. I am no way holding you here against your will, shoving this down your throat. I will bring topics to the masses that I think needs confronting. This is through a personal and not politically correct way. I swear and write how I think. Don’t like it? Click that stunning red button at the top of your screen and go back to where you were before I hurt your feelings.

SO. Contraception.

It should stop you from getting pregnant. Which is what most people are looking for. Babies are cool. I just don’t want them for 10 years thanks.

Where should you start?

Guys. Buy condoms. You can get a prescription for 144 of those bad boys. For $5. You are welcome.

Talk to your doctor. I had the issue that my doctor was someone I went to when I had a cold not when I wanted to have sex. So I went to family planning but in Nelson its called INP (independent nursing practice). Lovely ladies in there. You can just go in and chat with them about anything and ask all that you want. These people careers are based around people having sex. They know what’s up.

What should you consider?

MANY THINGS. When deciding on what you want to do you will be asked a whole bunch of questions. Family health history, sex history, and even period questions!

What am I on?

I was on the pill for a while (years). I had about 7 different types of “the pill” and discovered that my body doesn’t really like extra or blocking hormones. So I went off the pill for 3 months. It took my body 3 months to figure out how to be a body again. But I discovered that because I was on such a high  hormonal dosage I was literally a crazy woman. I had gained weight and turned into this horrible creature. So 90 days later I had lost some of my weight and my thoughts were now clear. What I had been thinking about was the fact that I now needed to get another form of contraception. Either the rod (the little hormonal stick in the inside of your arm) or an IUD (the weird-looking fish-hook that goes in your uterus) and whilst neither of those seemed appealing neither does a baby.

So I got an IUD back in 2012. It last 5 years and it has no hormones and my body and me seem to like one another. Despite my mother protest she doesn’t want another grandchild.

People do ask about what I have. Curious I guess.

Can I feel it? No.

Did it hurt to get? Feels like a cramp and there is slight discomfort but it’s over in 5 minutes.

Do I recommend it? Yes however talk to a doctor because they know what’s best for you.

How long does it last? 5 Years and you can get another one straight after.

What have you noticed since having it? Well I don’t seem to be as fat any more and much less a crazy woman. I also can see a cycle of woman stuff happening.

Downside? Pretty strong cramps. Nothing a heat patch and panadol can’t fix.

Can my boyfriend feel it? No.

Does it cost? Yes I can’t remember how much but under $100 for me. Cheap over 5 years.

How does it work? Foreign body object. The body think my uterus is not a safe place to grow a baby and the copper kills the sperm if there is any breakage with a condom. THIS IS MY INTERPRETATION. There is a hormonal version on the IUD.

Can you feel it? No.

Don’t you become infertile? There has been no conclusive study of this.

What I would really like everyone to know is that talking about contraception does not mean that you are having sex. It is used in all sorts of ways to help with health. It would be really lovely to remove that stigmatism around contraception. It is no longer “birth control” but a choice.

At the end of this week I am going to release another episode from this series (it’s a goodie) and I have to say sorry for not having a blog post for the past two weeks. University has been crazy.

How to get over your ex boyfriend.

Ah what a topic. Like a burn and a paper cut rolled into one. An ex-boyfriend is weird. The whole idea that you go from being fully committed to someone, knowing who they are and what they are doing to strangers in a week.

Now if I ever have children, I hope that they are strong enough to get through heartbreak and all that comes with it.

I was talking to a friend of mine about a week ago when he asked me “how much do you think you have changed?” I was walking home and standing at the lights I personally didn’t think I had changed that much. But thats the thing. I had changed. If not changed then grown. When I met this young man I was completely broken. Whole heartly ruined. I was heartbroken.

I was 17. Young and eager. I went from being a girl who was happy to being a dark energy going through the motions. When this young man met me he saw me go from my worst to the woman I am today. He said to me that I was “a girl dangerously close to throwing it all away.” And I was. Thats the thing about being 17 and in love. There is not point in which you say to yourself to stop giving. You pour your life and soul into someone else without thinking and when it all ends you can only say it was half your fault because you couldn’t stop yourself. You fed a demon called a relationship until you ran out of whatever it ate and it all fell apart. So where do you go from there? You are broken, empty and well shit, you just want to sleep for forever.

This is what I suggest. No matter how it ended.

  1. Take a nap. Lie the heck down and curl up for a few hours.
  2. Turn your phone off. The world will be there when you come back.
  3. Cry your eyes out. This won’t take much. Place cold flannel on eyes. Thank me later.
  4. If you ended the relationship remind yourself why. You made this decision for a reason.
  5. If the other party ended the relationship then remind yourself that it wasn’t meant to be and the universe has a much bigger and better plan for you than him.
  6. Take a long shower. Not a bath.
  7. Find an animal. Cats are great but anything that you like. Could be a bearded dragon. You don’t know.
  8. DO NOT GET ANGRY. This will not help.
  9. Take some deep breaths.
  10. Make a cup of tea. You won’t feel like eating.
  11. Tell your parent. By simply saying “Me and _____ are over and I would really just like a hug.”
  12. Tell your parent that you are not ready to talk about it if your not. You will just get angry at their questions.
  13. Make a nest. Blankets and tissues.
  14. Then clean your room. Its like hitting reset on something in your life.
  15. Contact a friend and let them do what they do best and be there for you.
  16. Have some alone time but not at 3am.
  17. You might not sleep so write what you are thinking about.
  18. Go on facebook and do the deed of ending the relationship. Make this unseen. Don’t be that girl.
  19. Do not talk to other person for a few days. See that you can survive without them.
  20. Go out on a big walk with your friend. The wild does wonders.

Look I have been through all the motions and it bloody hurts. And the one piece of advice I can give you is to give time, time. Nothing is going to make it go quicker. You just have to keep going and you can do that. You do not need them to live. What I also must tell you is that there is no ‘moment’ when you get over an ex. For every single person it is different. It may just be a day you didn’t think about them or no emotion towards them. There is two things that no one told me when I was 15 and about to have a serious relationship for the first time. 1. you will leave a bit of you with them and you can never gain it back. 2. you won’t give yourself to wholeheartedly to another person until they deserve you.

May I leave you with telling you that you are amazing. That you exist because you are the perfect distance from the sun with a body that has a beating heart and working functions. You are more than you could ever know and this will not hold you back.

From a mother duck to her ducklings. I am here if you need me.

10 Guy Hacks

I know this is a little late but its here. Finally 10 guy hacks brought to you by myself and with a lot of help from Jamie, le boyfriend. So as it discovers, there are not many places that have guy hacks so we are hoping that this helps all you chaps.

  1. During the day think of plausible answers to the inevitable question “what are you thinking about?” from that significant other.
  2. To avoid getting “awkward arm” when cuddling put said arm under her pillow.
  3. If you find a piece of clothing that you like. For example AS colour t-shirts. Buy three different colours. Don’t look like you never wash your clothes. You are not an animal.
  4. If you want to impress a girl whilst having her over for dinner. Get pasta and pesto. Cook the pasta, add meat and pesto. If she doesn’t like pesto or pasta. Move on.
  5. To stop your room from looking messy. Hang every single thing up that isn’t pants. T-shirts, jackets, shirts. You won’t have to fold them and it keeps them looking brand new.
  6. Have a roll on deodorant and a cologne. These are two different things. One is for your under arms and the other one is for your chest. Don’t buy lynx. You are not 14
  7. When looking for new music, always ‘radio’ (on spotify, pandora, etc) your favorite artists to see what else is similar in that genre.
  8. If you like a girl and want to get to know her, be genuine to her. Cut the cat calling and seedy eyes. Be a man and walk over to her.
  9. Have condoms. You can only blame yourself.
  10. Chivalry. If you don’t know what that is then go and use the internet.

If you are a guy reading this. (I can’t tell.) I would love to know if you are reading this. You can PM me or hit like on the FB post. I guess, the point of this post is to make you the best that you can be. If you already do all these things then congratulations on being a rather good human being.

Any way I am going to try my hardest to post more often. At least once a week for you cool kids.

Enjoy these hacks. From Seren and Jamie.

P.s Jamie would like to add he didn’t have much choice in not collaborating with Seren.