A Letter To My Ex Boyfriend(s)

It has been some time since we last spoke. You and I are both busy. We lead busy lives and the gap between us just seemed to get away from one another.

Looking back I see that we did have something. I mean thats why you said the things you said right? In writing this I ask many questions about the time that has passed since we last said anything to one another.

We don’t even live in the same city any more.

Our friend circles barely cross.

I am not even sure what you look like now.

Here are some of my questions if you would hold a conversation with me:

How the hell are you?

How is your mum?

Where do you live now?

What are you doing now?

Are you well and happy?

Bought a house yet?

Finished studying yet?

Hows the wife?

Won any more medals?

How many times did you get burnt over summer?

Do you still drive a more than one vehicle?

Do you still have my top?

Do you still have the photos of us?

The letter I wrote to you?

The gifts I gave you?

The secrets?

How is your health?

Still depressed?

Stressed?

Same job?

Same problems?

Same issues?

Still angry?

Still think its all about you?

Still think I was being selfish?

Or have you changed?

It may of been years but really how much do people change? You drift into another city but you take those dirty habits with you. The nail biting, the cursing, wearing hats inside, the down putting, making me chose, making me into a girl I did not want to be.

You may wonder why I am addressing all of you and not just one. Why even write this when you have a boyfriend Seren? Why even give them another thought? You make the whole picture come full circle. I have to give you credit for that.

It would be a shame
to look back on this
and (out of bitterness)
not call it love.

So if that is what it was why bother writing anything when the moment has passed. Time did not stop and nothing can go back to what it was. Maybe this is all the courage I have to say anything to you because of what happened between us.

Calling you out is not the game I want to play so I mean I could just use your initials.

P. E. E. R. S.

PEERS, what a way to sum up some of my life in a snap shot.

 

The 5 Sex Lessons They Don’t Teach You In High School.

So the saga continues.

Lets get in it balls deep. (My jokes are in no way ever going to be funny. We already know this but I will write them out any way cause I am a sassy gal)

Picture theses situations:

  1. Talking with a boy about sex. He says “so are you on the pill?” you say “no” and then there is this awkward tension because he hasn’t put two dots together and assumes that the pill is the only contraception. I HAVE HAD THIS SITUATION. Also had the awkward explaining that it (an IUD) looks like a fish hook but is inside me. IN NO TONE CAN YOU MAKE THIS SOUND APPEALING. If your man doesn’t know that there is other contraception out there other than the pill and a condom you should just highlight this moment. Possibly move him along.
  2. If you are about to have sex and your man say “do I have to” in regards to wearing a condom. GET UP. Do not say a word and leave. Close the door and delete his number. Yall think I am joking really Im not. Also on this same point you should not have to ask for him to wear a condom. Because the situation of you staring at him and then his dick whilst he takes his 45 second break to do the one thing he HAS to do. Real romantic. There is no if’s or but’s round this one. Goes for both girls and guys.
  3. You should be getting an STI check after every sexual partner. BOTH OF YOU. You should have a conversation about when you had one last and it should not be judgemental. It also gives you both peace of mind. If they have never had one, you should highly recommend that they do.
  4. You should also have a conversation about what is okay and what isn’t in terms of in the bedroom or outside. You don’t know. This can be as straight forward as a checklist. (There is lots online) Or a game of 40 questions. Know your boundaries and others. You might discover that you both like something but are a little too shy to say.
  5. Your sex life should also be private. No one wants to walk in on their significant other talking about your intimate details to other people you don’t know. “She loves it from behind.” *walks in, opens front door* “you can let yourself out.”

These are some of the situations in which you should take action or act upon. What I am trying to say is teach each other many things, maybe it is how to talk about sex or that their behaviour is unacceptable.

Next week we will continue on talking about this stunning topic of sex. Let me know if there is anything you really want me to address and write about. Short and sweet on your Friday night.

Misleading Daydreaming

So for once Auckland was slightly less warm than usual. Which meant to my flat “The Hot Box” being less hot and all activities being less painful and a lot less sticky. So I was sitting on the bus that was slowing chilling me from the outside in. So for once I was able to day dream and not think about how hot I was. Now I am huge on day dreaming. Could do it all day if it was needed. I mean I even did a choreographic piece on day dreaming. You see I was thinking about how only a select few say thank you to the bus driver when they hop off. So this is how my day dream went, stay with me okay?

Saying thank you to a bus driver

Being thankful.

And thats where it stopped. Long right? I then started to gather all the weird things I am thankful for.

  • Polite neighbours with adorable children.
  • Headphones.
  • Cold weather.
  • Cookies and cream ice cream.
  • Flat mates who make me laugh.
  • Physiotherapy.
  • Good banter.
  • Swimming in rivers.

Its only fair that I say these are only a few. I suppose that I was thinking about very random things and slightly concentrating on the fact that my physiotherapist had just stuck needles in my butt because thats how you fix a broken Seren.

So I finally made it to the CBD and as I hopped off the bus I said thank you to my bus driver and walked to my apartment entrance. I then thought about how much my life has changed since I first moved away from Nelson (my home town). I thought about how I could never move back for good. Not right now. That I had grown too big for that tiny town. I guess I am thankful I grew up there and now I see the appeal of raising a family there. But thats a long way off. About 10 years.

So be thankful is what I guess I am trying to say. For the weird things. Or at least go and have a day dream.

5 things every girl living in the city should be able to do.

Mastering city life can be a little tricky but if you can do these 5 things, then congratulations on being a well established gal.

  1.   Be able to go for lunch by herself and not feel embarrassed.  I think that there is nothing sweeter than watching a girl sit in a cafe and just be herself whilst having a coffee and a bagel.
  2.  Baking. Straight and simple baking. Coming from a girl from a small town. Filling an apartment full of the smell of brownies. Nothing can compare and make one feel more at home.
  3. Your “other hand” nails. I’m right handed and mastering painting my left hand has been one of the greatest challenges.
  4. Know when to be delicate and when to be a bad ass. If someone bumps into you on the main street is no reason to cry however if your room mates have not cleaned their dishes in 3 weeks that when you put your foot down. Your not a animal.
  5. To live independently from family and friends. No financial help. No constant checking up. No google. To know the answer to a problem without having to ask for help.