HAND ME THE TWINK.

With all this jibber jabber about #callmecaitlyn, sexuality and sex are very much in the headlines.

Hand me the twink is all about correcting and rewriting our parents mistakes and making our own future.

But I am here to talk to you about sex in this third blog post.

Sex and generation Z, its now or never really.

Despite what you think we are the generation that is changing the ideas behind what our parents raised us on.

Sex, gender, sexuality, feminism, equality was not our parents concern. They were after the war but before the revolution. I see them as chameleons. Adapting to their surroundings in order to survive. So if we are not the war children and we are not the ones fighting the war; who are we?

What we should get straight right away is that sexuality and gender are two separate things. If you didn’t know this then like I have said in the past go and educate yourself on the difference. My generation taught me that not my parents.

So who are we? Generation Z?

It seems to be the question for so many of us. Where are we going? What do I mean to society? Where is my place? Do I matter? Am I an individual?

Throw sex and all that comes with it into the mix and I can tell you that we are all slightly lost. Here is what I can help you with.

Your sexual desire, orientation, what you do under the covers or out is none of my business and as long as you are happy and not hurting someone else then go right ahead!

THERE IS DIFFERENT TYPES OF SEX? NO WAY?!

The idea that people like different types of sex still freaks people out. There is a lot out there. You have no idea! Not everyone is a vanilla lover (vanilla means regular sex) there is many flavors and you won’t know what you like until you try some out. There is BDSM, which covers a lot of things. Please don’t use Fifty Shades of Grey for your information. Bad idea. There is vanilla sex, which is what most people think of when it comes to sex. If you want to break it down there is non-penetrative sex, there is penetrative sex, there is vaginal sex, there is anal sex. Honestly most people are just scratching the surface and if that’s what you like then good on you! No one knows they like to be honest. Until you have tried almost everything. I think it rather interesting that we know what sex is but we had to find out that sex means a lot of different things to other people. What I am getting at is that there are different options out there for different people and we will break these down over the next few weeks. Looking at the do’s and don’t’s for all of them!

Then I have this MASSIVE ISSUE with the idea of “virginity”. We have been raised with this idea that when we have sex for the first time we lose something, this thing. The value of this ‘purity’ is worth waiting for a very long time before you ‘gift’ it to someone. When I ‘lost’ my ‘virginity’ it was a shit storm of a time. Not romantic. It happened and I was led to believe that I was going to feel different. I just felt very confused and lost. Betrayed by this idea that I had just been given a gift by someone else. But I was still me, no more or no less. I just wish that people wouldn’t put such a big value on the damn thing. If I have any advice for those of you about to have sex for the first time. Please hold no expectation. None. Its going to be awkward and horrible. Just know that. What is interesting is that my “gift receiver” and I still talk and chat about how funny we were because we were so clueless. That we still have this connection and despite what I think about the idea of virginity, it is the first time that I was intimate with someone and that is for me what makes him special. That is my value on it.

To put it in short I hope that generation Z makes this world better by the time we leave it. I want to be apart of society that is equal and that doesn’t bring its children up on lies. You have nothing to gift and nothing to lose. You will not become a woman because you already are. You are not born perfect and that the body you have might be the one you don’t want. You can be whoever you want to be and I will accept you for who you want to be.

My only gift to you is one of an open door. Ready for you to walk through and leave our past generations society at behind. So pass me the twink and lets get to it.

How to get over your ex boyfriend.

Ah what a topic. Like a burn and a paper cut rolled into one. An ex-boyfriend is weird. The whole idea that you go from being fully committed to someone, knowing who they are and what they are doing to strangers in a week.

Now if I ever have children, I hope that they are strong enough to get through heartbreak and all that comes with it.

I was talking to a friend of mine about a week ago when he asked me “how much do you think you have changed?” I was walking home and standing at the lights I personally didn’t think I had changed that much. But thats the thing. I had changed. If not changed then grown. When I met this young man I was completely broken. Whole heartly ruined. I was heartbroken.

I was 17. Young and eager. I went from being a girl who was happy to being a dark energy going through the motions. When this young man met me he saw me go from my worst to the woman I am today. He said to me that I was “a girl dangerously close to throwing it all away.” And I was. Thats the thing about being 17 and in love. There is not point in which you say to yourself to stop giving. You pour your life and soul into someone else without thinking and when it all ends you can only say it was half your fault because you couldn’t stop yourself. You fed a demon called a relationship until you ran out of whatever it ate and it all fell apart. So where do you go from there? You are broken, empty and well shit, you just want to sleep for forever.

This is what I suggest. No matter how it ended.

  1. Take a nap. Lie the heck down and curl up for a few hours.
  2. Turn your phone off. The world will be there when you come back.
  3. Cry your eyes out. This won’t take much. Place cold flannel on eyes. Thank me later.
  4. If you ended the relationship remind yourself why. You made this decision for a reason.
  5. If the other party ended the relationship then remind yourself that it wasn’t meant to be and the universe has a much bigger and better plan for you than him.
  6. Take a long shower. Not a bath.
  7. Find an animal. Cats are great but anything that you like. Could be a bearded dragon. You don’t know.
  8. DO NOT GET ANGRY. This will not help.
  9. Take some deep breaths.
  10. Make a cup of tea. You won’t feel like eating.
  11. Tell your parent. By simply saying “Me and _____ are over and I would really just like a hug.”
  12. Tell your parent that you are not ready to talk about it if your not. You will just get angry at their questions.
  13. Make a nest. Blankets and tissues.
  14. Then clean your room. Its like hitting reset on something in your life.
  15. Contact a friend and let them do what they do best and be there for you.
  16. Have some alone time but not at 3am.
  17. You might not sleep so write what you are thinking about.
  18. Go on facebook and do the deed of ending the relationship. Make this unseen. Don’t be that girl.
  19. Do not talk to other person for a few days. See that you can survive without them.
  20. Go out on a big walk with your friend. The wild does wonders.

Look I have been through all the motions and it bloody hurts. And the one piece of advice I can give you is to give time, time. Nothing is going to make it go quicker. You just have to keep going and you can do that. You do not need them to live. What I also must tell you is that there is no ‘moment’ when you get over an ex. For every single person it is different. It may just be a day you didn’t think about them or no emotion towards them. There is two things that no one told me when I was 15 and about to have a serious relationship for the first time. 1. you will leave a bit of you with them and you can never gain it back. 2. you won’t give yourself to wholeheartedly to another person until they deserve you.

May I leave you with telling you that you are amazing. That you exist because you are the perfect distance from the sun with a body that has a beating heart and working functions. You are more than you could ever know and this will not hold you back.

From a mother duck to her ducklings. I am here if you need me.